motherhood #12

by Shayna:

“Knock, Knock.. Hello, hello, are you Shayna, I’m Derek?” Those are the words that I heard the very first time that I met the two little children that stole my heart from that day on. I often tell Cameron that I fell in love with his two kids before I fell in love with him. We joke about it, but I would have to say that I fell in love with the whole package that he offered me. By the time that I reached 26 years of age, I knew that I was going to marry someone who had been married before. I accepted that and I was fine with that. I really feel that Heavenly Father was preparing me at that point in my life so I was ready to accept the best thing that was going to happen to me.
You hear all these horror stories about evil step mothers, having to deal with kids that aren’t theirs. These are just stories because they aren’t our reality. I have been married to Cameron for almost 6 years now and the love that I have for my children is immeasurable. I loved being a mother right off. People often ask what is it like being a “step-mom” I ask them what would it be like, to be loved unconditionally by two spirits from our Heavenly Father, and to hear those very words, “I love you” to get hugs every time they see you, to hear the pitter patter of little feet as they run in the house, to hear their laughter and giggles, to hear their sweet prayers for you offered in their behalf, and to be apart of something bigger. Then I answer them by saying, Of course I love it. I have often been asked “how do you do it, how do you love them so much? How could I not, they are gorgeous inside and out.
I have to be honest and say that when that one day a year that comes around… Mother’s Day that I had a rough time. We never had them in our home that day, they were with their own mother. I was alone. I was always alone that day. I struggled back the tears that we couldn’t have our own child. That something was wrong with me. That I will never experience the joys of being pregnant, or have the chance to be apart of the miracle of birth. That is what I struggled with. But Courtney and Derek helped dull the sharpness of the pain away. I was a mother and I was loved like any other mother out there. I knew that but I still had my days. I was still only called Shayna, I was never “mom”, I longed for that name. It is just a simple name, but what does that name mean. To me, it meant eternity, family, security, love, strength, honor, respect, warmth, patience.
Heavenly Father had a plan for me. For some reason I had to learn some sort of a lesson. I had to overcome an obstacle. That plan was to give me the honor to be called that very name… Mom, mommy, ma, mama, mother…whatever it is. I have that gift. That gift came when we found out last June that I was pregnant. I had accepted the idea of never being a mother, but I was given a gift that was priceless.
This year is different; I am actually looking forward to Mother’s Day. As I hold this sweet spirit in my lap as I type and as he watched every words I feel come to life. I am a mother! When I look at him and he gives me the cheekiest grin and the long conversations that only a mother and son could understand… I am a mom. My family is complete. Cole has the best older brother and sister a little guy could ask for. My family isn’t perfect but it is my family. I am a mother of three and I finally have the chance to be called the name of something that I have been for so long, MOM.
Don’t take that name for granted. Honor the name that you have been given. It is a gift and it is a priceless gift. Happy Mom’s day! 


LL said...

THAT was so touching. What a happy story...love her attitude about being a MOM. (in every way)

Lyndi said...

I just adore reading about everyone's unique perspective and experience in Mom-ness. What a great post and fun idea!