mommy guilt

i did it. i left miles in daycare today.  for one whole hour. 
i got a gym pass last month and only went like 4 times.  my little miles was hindering me.
so i upgraded to the pass with DAYCARE.
and i almost cried when i set him down and walked out.
because what if another kid hurts him?
what if he is sad and confused and no one is watching him close?
i just get so very very nervous leaving him with people who don't know him and love him, ya know?
but i have to do this, for my own sanity, i have to do it.

but i feel so horribly guilty.


from one of my all-time favorite cry fest movies:


my little miles

i know you may feel the urge to kidnap him after seeing these pictures, but just know that there is no reason to turn to criminal activities.  i have no problem loaning him out a couple days a week for a small fee. :)


thank you, hallmark commercial, for making me cry.

(holga, rockport, ma.)


i got a little nervous today when i saw some hoodlum teenage boys crossing the crosswalk in front of my car today.  and i thought to myself, what if miles turns out like that? what if he wants to dress like a punk and grow out his hair and never take baths and be a gross little, scary kid?  and then it got worse. and the whole way home i was thinking oh no. my baby is going to do drugs. and date girls i don't like.  and get in trouble at school.  and drive cars too fast.  but really... what can i do about it?  
i want him to stay my little baby forever.  
but he won't.  
and i want to be the one who will make all his choices.  
but i can't.
and i hate that.


wine crates

i can't wait to show you what i'm doing with these little beauties.
do you know hard it is to track down wine crates in the state of utah?!
i have 10 down and 10 to go until my masterpiece is complete.
but in the meantime, my neighbors will continue to think i'm a raging alcoholic as i continue to carry crate after crate into my apartment.

2 years

(june 28, 2010 on our front stoop in boston)

funny that i'm posting about our 2 year anniversary....
when we will be celebrating 3 years in just 5 months.
oh well.
i'm mostly telling you about it because the place we ate was awesome.
all we did on our anniversary is go to lunch because wade had school that day.
the restaurant is called fire and ice.
its basically like a big salad bar/buffet where you choose all your own meats/pastas/sauces/vegetables and you throw them all in a bowl and you give it to the chef and he cooks it on this big rotating grill right in front of you.
we loved it.


even though he watches so much dora the explorer that it makes me want to scratch my eyes out, i could not love him any more.  that's a lie.  i will probably love him even more tomorrow.  and sometimes i sneak in his room in the middle of the night and hold him because i just can't get enough of him in one day.