3.06.2010

dear porter,

don't worry about us starving anytime soon.
we have lots of food.
and more keeps coming.
believe me, you would be in heaven.
well, you already are.
speaking of which, i hope you still get to eat your favorite beto's breakfast burritos.
it just wouldn't be heaven for you without them.

lots of cute girls were at the house today.
cute girls that were so lucky to have you as a friend.
they were all sitting on the couch and crying.
but also laughing.
because you were so funny.
and they have such good memories.

your band had a gig tonight.
they didn't cancel the show,
but instead, they did an acoustic set in honor of you.
we all wish we could've gone,
but couldn't seem to leave the house.
because this is where we feel you the closest.
but those cute girls i just mentioned said they would record it for us.
i hope you got to see it too.

i also borrowed your chapstick.
the new burt's bees you had sitting in your nightstand.
mom said i could have it.
but i couldn't bear to throw the box away that it was in.
i told mom i might turn into one of those hoarders
like the show on a&e
because i feel guilty getting rid of anything that reminds me of you.

i just walked past the computer room
almost expecting you to be sitting here at the desk
because that's where you were always sitting
every night when i would tell you "good night"
and today, wade was standing on the stairs
and mom glanced up and thought it was you for a second.
and we all started crying.
because it wasn't you.
and we wished so badly that it was.

i'm sleeping in your bed tonight.
i hope you don't mind.

love you.

11 comments:

LL said...

Kali. These letters are so tender, I love reading what you have to say to Porter.
I hope you continue to feel comfort and love and especially feel Porter there close.
Please hug your mom for me!
XOXO

Scott and Kristy said...

Kali, We are so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to see someone you love so much pass to the other side. It makes us very thankful for the principle of eternal families. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time...

DMH2B said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

LyndiLou said...

Oh Kali my dear... I'm not ever going to be able to see again... I have a feeling I'll be crying along with you for a while (especially as long as you keep writing to Porter!) Please don't stop though... I feel blessed to have glimpse into your world right now, and appreciate you sharing. We've been thinking and think about you and praying and wondering what to do. We'll figure something great out! I'm glad you're here with your family. Love you! *hugs*

krystal said...

I haven't been reading your blog for long, but this hit me so hard. I'm so sorry about your brother =( ...but so thankful that it seems like you have an amazing family around you and I hope that the feeling of comfort continues for you all.

Lindsay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Launi said...

Oh, Kali. I hope that somehow--knowing how much we love your family can help in some tiny way--with the heartache that you feel right now. Our instinct was to rush over to grab you all and hug you for a while...but then we thought it would probably be more appropriate to give you your space.
Please know that you are in our prayers all day and night.

Amy said...

Kali,
I was so glad to remember last night that today was fast Sunday so I could keep you in my thoughts. You and your family have contuniously been on my mind. I got on your blog last night, started reading it to my sister and couldn't finish it without crying. I ran into Jordan the other day and I told him to say hi to you for me, he laughed and said "I won't see her til Sept. but ok" Sadly this is much sooner than September. You're writtings are so touching and I am grateful to be able to read them. I feel like there is nothing I can say that will comfort or help you much. Just know that I love you and all of your family. I pray for you and I hope you can feel comfort while spending this life changing time with them.

Cynthia said...

Kali- I read you Mom's blog and have for a long time. I am so very sorry for your family. It is just unimaginable. I am so sorry you all have to endure this time and space without him in it- at least for now. There are no words other than I'm sorry- and it's just not fair. May his spirit be near you and calm your troubled hearts.

The Silvas said...

Oh, it's been a bad mascara weekend, I love these letters that you write, they're so tender and sweet, I keep you all in my prayers, I'm so grateful for Eternal Families. I love you coz!

Julianne said...

kali,
i've been thinking about you and your family all weekend. im praying for you and love you. you have so much support from so many--im so glad families are forever.
love you!