3.06.2010

dear porter,

mom called me late last night with the news.

i play it in my mind over and over.
you hike every day. its what you love.
but did it feel different this time?
what were you thinking about when you spent that time alone with your thoughts?

dad found your water bottle before anything else.
there were scuff marks all over it.
and they hoped it wasn't yours.
now it sits on our counter in the kitchen.
it still has some water in it.
i don't think we will ever pour it out.

mom is wearing your sweatshirt today.
and we've been talking about our favorite memories.
like how you made the best peanut butter cookies.
and how you just wrote a song that I will never get to hear you play.

i worry what your last moments were like.
i hope you weren't in pain.
i hope you didn't feel extreme terror for the seconds you were falling.
i like to believe that you felt peace.
and love.
and comfort.
like we feel right now.

aunt monica said she saw you last night.
she said you were with grandpa. and you were smiling.
and i just know you two are having a good time up there.
but can you come visit me too?

love you.

10 comments:

The Silvas said...

That's so sweet, it's making me cry! I've been shedding tears throughout this day. He sure was a wonderful young man. My prayers and thoughts go out to you, coz! Love you!
I, too, have been thinking that he's with grandpa.

McKenna said...

I read it several times with tears falling from my face more intensely with each word. It terrifies me to know that life is so fragile, and that I am so far away from my family right now. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, when I feel even but a small part of it. I am so grateful for our knowledge of the restored Gospel and that we will see our families again. May God be with you at this time... until you see him again.

All my love.

THE Bjarnson's said...

Oh Kali, I'm so sorry for your loss. He was such an amazing man. Even in the short time that I knew him. He was very sweet. What a wonderful tribute. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. *shedding tears*

David said...

I used to come over and hang out with Porter a lot and I've been thinking about when he came and worked with me. Fun times! I'm gonna miss that!

amber renee said...

What a strong woman you are. I love you so much and I know that Heavenly Father is sending blessings fast for you and your family. My heart is full of hope and love for you right now and I know that so many people are thinking of your family in their prayers.

Anonymous said...

Kali, that is such a wonderful tribute to your beautiful brother. I guarantee he will visit you also. You are all very special to me and your grandmother. Much Love, Auntie M.

LyndiLou said...

Ohhh sweetie... you have a way with words. He'll be close still... you'll see.

I'm praying for comfort to just wrap you all up.

*hugs*

Jillian said...

I just love you so much!

LL said...

touching! so so sweet.

Sarah Bear said...

porter was one of my very best friends and i cannot believe that this happened to him. he was so amazing, and i loved him more then words can describe. my heart broke when i read this. my prayers are with you.