mom called me late last night with the news.
i play it in my mind over and over.
you hike every day. its what you love.
but did it feel different this time?
what were you thinking about when you spent that time alone with your thoughts?
dad found your water bottle before anything else.
there were scuff marks all over it.
and they hoped it wasn't yours.
now it sits on our counter in the kitchen.
it still has some water in it.
i don't think we will ever pour it out.
mom is wearing your sweatshirt today.
and we've been talking about our favorite memories.
like how you made the best peanut butter cookies.
and how you just wrote a song that I will never get to hear you play.
i worry what your last moments were like.
i hope you weren't in pain.
i hope you didn't feel extreme terror for the seconds you were falling.
i like to believe that you felt peace.
like we feel right now.
aunt monica said she saw you last night.
she said you were with grandpa. and you were smiling.
and i just know you two are having a good time up there.
but can you come visit me too?