dear porter,

on saturday morning,
i woke up early in your bed.
really early.
so we could catch a flight to boston.
your flight to boston.

i took a shower in your bathroom.
i packed up all my stuff in your room.
and i couldn't help thinking that it should be you doing this.
not me.
i should've been waiting for you in boston.

when the flight took off,
i looked out the window and saw the runway speeding past.
and i looked at mom and saw tears running down her face.
you never got to fly.
this was supposed to be your first time.
and i tried to imagine what you would've been thinking
during your first take-off.

general conference was this weekend.
i wonder if you watch it in heaven?
pres. monson wrote a talk just for us.
at least, i think he did.
it was so comforting to hear a prophet tell us
we will see you again.

easter was different this year.
it meant more to us than it ever has before.
Christ's atonement and resurrection are the reason
you will once again be reunited with your body.
and i cannot wait until that day.
to run to you and hug you and never let go.
i can't imagine a more joyful reunion.

love you.

"Among all the facts of mortality, none is so certain as it's end. Death comes to all. It is our universal heritage. It may claim its victims in infancy or youth. It may visit in the period of life's prime. It's summons may be deferred until the snows of age have gathered upon the head. It may befall as the result of an accident, or disease, or through natural causes. But, come it must. It inevitably represents the painful loss of association. And particularly, in the young, a crushing blow to dreams unrealized, ambitions unfulfilled, and hopes vanquished."
-President Thomas S. Monson
(Sunday AM session)


LyndiLou said...

OH Kali... we CRIED for you all during that talk. I look over and my Mom and her eyes were FULL of tears and she said "This is for Susette, isn't it?!?" I'm glad you all felt it too. It's sooo true and I feel blessed to know it... and appreciate your testimony of the Savior as well. Love you!

Jen said...

I think everyone who knows your family was thinking of you during that talk. I hope you never stop posting letters to Porter on your blog because they're incredible!

LL said...

I agree. President Monsons talk was for you guys. SO TOUCHING.
I bet Porter wanted you to hear those words, and feel that comfort.
Welcome back to Boston, the weather has been beautiful.

Frosty said...

I know that His timing in having President Monson speak these words was no coicidence. His ever-unfolding plan constantly amazes me.

Thinking of you & yours ever day.

Jacki said...

my thoughts are still with you and your amazing family.
keep writing these letters to sweet porter, because they are amazing and it will help you as well as everyone that reads them.

The Searles said...

Kali, I too thought of you and your family during Pres Monson's talk. How comforting to hear those words. I'm sure that plane ride was a tough one. Im so sorry and love you so much.

mother goose said...

ok, this is the first time I am leaving a message but I have been following your blog ever since your mom shared your link and said you had been writing your feelings down and had missed her blogging! You are an amazing woman, wife and mother! I appreciate your heart felt letters to your wonderful brother. I hope that if I ever have an experience such as you that I will be able to write through it, and share and be open. It helps others in so many ways and I thank you for your sweet thoughts but more importantly your resounding strength of your testimony of Jesus Christ, your testimony is also a testimony of the wonderful parents that you have.

Jillian said...

Thank you for saying what needs to be said. I need to be more brave with that, but you definitely inspire me. This stuff is hard, but it is better to recognize what we know and learn along the way :) Thank you Kali yet again for your example.

Doran & Jody said...

Oh sob, sob, just a sec while I wipe my tears.

It's heartbreaking to see all of the things that remind you of the loved ones we have lost. What if's....and How would they do this and that...What would they think of this....They didn't get to do this yet. I try to image them telling us..."No worries, I am experiencing many great and more wonderful things where I am. Chin up, I am doing fine. Be your best self so we can be together again."

I know the talk you are referring too. I bet there are many people that were thinking of your family during this talk and hoping that you were able to hear it.

We love your guts! And will continue to pray for you.

Love, Momma Jody

{Brittany} said...

I don't know you nor can I relate to the difficult circumstances you are going through right now. I stumbled upon your blog through Mormon Mommy Blogs. I was intrigued and couldn't stop reading. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but I thank you for sharing your tender feelings. It's incredible how life changes for us in an instant. Within seconds our life can be completely turned upside down. I have three young boys who I'm listening to play downstairs right now. I want you to know that I plan to hug them and kiss them and love them more than I ever have because of your tragedy. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Dave and Pam said...

"But, come it must. It inevitably represents the painful loss of association. And particularly, in the young, a crushing blow to dreams unrealized, ambitions unfulfilled, and hopes vanquished."

Then comes Easter morning...and the empty tomb...and the joy"FULL" reunion! Hope is what we have. Hope is all we have. And each other.

paige and jord said...

kali i thought about you all conference weekend. i selfishly thought for a second how i was missing my brother, and then cried even more because i know you were missing your brother in a completely different way. i hope those words from our dear prophet will continue to comfort you and your sweet family.
love ya girlie.

Brenda said...

I thought about your family when I heard that talk! What a great talk!
How blessed we are to have the gospel!

Launi said...

What a lovely post. President Monson's talk touched so many this time--didn't it? Sister LeBaron...the Robinsons...and your sweet family.
The plane picture is beautiful.
We love you.