diaper malfunction.

i remember my life and events in two parts: the time before motherhood, and the time after motherhood. motherhood is awesome. life before motherhood, was, well... easy. seriously what was i even doing before i had kids? like did i have 8 spare hours a day to just do, nothing? these kids of mine. they keep my on my toes. and some mornings, like today, start with a diet coke at 8:00 in the morning. and then i hear miles from the other room saying "harper pooped on my rug!" and i don't even know how or why, but yes indeed, she had pooped on his rug. i blame huggies for diaper malfunction. life before motherhood never required that i had to clean up poop. ever. let alone try to keep two little humans alive.

they are lucky they are cute.

{our drive up provo canyon yesterday.}

p.s. fall is here!

and also, that binky is harper's life.

one more thing, i taught miles all of his posing skills.

blog lovin'

one of the main reasons i stopped blogging and reading blogs is all google's fault. seriously. they just killed google reader. and didn't even care that they were hurting my feelings and stopping me from stalking everyone i know. and people i don't know. and now all my blogs are gone and i don't know how to find you people. anyway, i've discovered a new creation. and probably i am way behind the times. but i'm just so happy! it's called blog lovin'. and they even have an app! so its like, put my baby in bed, chill on the couch, pull up the app, and read some blogs. only, i only have like 5 blogs to follow. which is probably good right now, considering i should probably, you know, get stuff done. anyway, if you want to follow me with my new discovery, click here -------> Follow my blog with Bloglovin and also, if we are friends? can you give me your blog address again? ok fine, even if we aren't friends, but you're pretty fun to stalk, you can too.

one time i used to blog.

i used to be a good blogger.

and then i got pregnant. and had a baby. and that baby goes by the name of "harper" and she's almost a year old. so really, my blogging habits are pathetic. another thing that is pathetic? my memory. seriously. i think it got worse with each child. anyway. i'm determined to be better at this. because i have to force myself to write things down. and also, i'm pretty sure you need to see harper more often, because really? her chub kills me. and so do her smiles that take up her entire face.

i'll play catch up later. but for now here's our saturday a couple weekends ago.

we grabbed subways. and a giant smarties at the gas station for miles. and we drove to tibble fork and sat in the back of our car and looked at the reservoir while we ate. and miles can't be near water without getting in it, no matter how cold it is. so we went down and played until we saw some massive rain clouds on a mission. i'm not kidding you, they rushed over the mountains faster than i've ever seen a cloud move. so my smart husband said we should probably get back to the car. and we got there just in time to get dumped on. and also, we got out of american fork canyon right before 2 mudslides blocked the road. that husband of mine. he's got good timing.

little mr. miles is becoming more opinionated these days. he tells me exactly what he wants and when he doesn't get it....well, let's just say he gets to sit in the corner a couple times a day.  but you wouldn't believe me, looking at these pictures right? :)  today i said, "miles, did you go poo-poo?" and he answered, "no. i not poo-poo"  and then i told him we were going bye-bye and he said, "no. i not bye-bye." and he pointed at the door for me to leave him and his legos alone. ok then.

p.s. i feel like my tailbone is permanently crushing my hip bone. ok, i don't really know how to explain it, but let's just say my butt is going numb and its working its way down my leg. is this normal?! oh pregnancy, how i love thee.

i bet you've been wondering where i've been.
well.  i went to mexico to shoot a wedding.
i'm not still in mexico. (although sometimes i wish i was)
but when i came home from mexico, i found out i was pregnant...
(which is why my brother and sister-in-law so lovingly call our unborn child "baby pedro")
anyway, then the morning sickness kicked in like a week later (more like 24/7 sickness)
and i disappeared to my bedroom to hibernate for 17 weeks.

and now i'm finally feeling better. finally.
well...mostly better.
there was the one day this week where wade found me laying on the bathroom floor convinced i was dying.
but i didn't die. i'm still alive and well.
barely.

because yesterday i decided to do a half marathon that i signed up for back in december.
um...hello. i couldn't bring myself to waste the 60 dollar registration fee.
only, i didn't train for it. i was too busy hibernating remember?
so i walked the entire thing.
and my legs feel like...well, there are no words for what my legs feel like.
i'm just surprised i didn't go into labor.

there is no news in our lives except that i am now 19 weeks pregnant
and the dr. that did my ultrasound couldn't determine the gender.
his exact quote was, "it could go either way."  really? ya think?
also, miles is jibber jabbering away and thinks we should name the baby "hadley"
after his best friend/cousin. (hope you don't mind, aunt tina!)
we are taking him to disneyland soon and praying that he doesn't hate it.
because remember? my child hates fun.

now enjoy some cancun pictures.
and pray that someday the US of A decides to make their diet coke just like the mexicans.
(because really, it is SO much better)

dear porter,

(**i wrote this a year ago, but for some reason or another, i never posted it. today marks 2 years since my little brother left us, but the feelings are still the same.)

it was exactly one year ago,
today,
that we lost you.
that our lives changed forever.
that a giant, gaping hole opened up in our hearts.
and i find myself re-living every moment.
the phone call from mom.
crying so hard on the kitchen floor
that i couldn't breathe.
making phone calls to delta for the first flight out of boston.
standing in the longest line known to man at the airport
avoiding the awkward glances of people staring at me
because i just couldn't stop sobbing.
mom and dad's faces when they opened the front door
that confirmed the whole thing wasn't a crazy dream.
spending a week in a whirlwind,
planning a funeral and viewing,
going through your things.
saying goodbye.
although, i still don't think i've fully said it.
because i still can't believe you're gone.

it's hard not to get angry sometimes.
i hate that we've had to live a whole year without you.
i hate that miles doesn't know you.
that you missed his first steps.
that he will never have cousins from you.
i'm so sick of having giant meltdowns
every time something reminds me of you.
and i do,
i get angry.
and i know that would probably bother you,
but i can't help but feel like it just isn't right.
it's not right that we have to miss you this much.

i will be watching the sky tonight.
because i want to know
what your last sunset looked like.
and i will be visiting dry canyon
because i want to know
what your last breath smelled like.
what the air around you felt like.

love you.

eggs, the flu & tv.

----you know how i work til midnight or later? and i'm like pretty much always tired?  well sometimes i fall asleep during morning cartoons. stop judging me. one lucky morning last week, miles found his way into the fridge and i was awoken by egg yoke running down my shirt.  at first i thought it was orange juice from his sippy, but sadly, i was wrong. i fumbled for my glasses and found death and destruction all over the living room. he broke an entire carton of eggs, one by one, all over the rug, coffee table, couch and floor.  you would think that would have woken me up right? proof i need more zzzzzzzzzzzzzz's in my life.
----we've had a yucky flu bug around here this past week. lame. i'm a terrible wife, but i weirdly like it when wade is sick because he gets to stay home with me.  oh how i love when wade stays home.
----i watched hgtv's "my first place" this weekend, and it just so happened to be in boston. and the girl was looking in the south end, which is where we used to live. oh don't worry, her budget was $700,000 for a 2 BEDROOM apartment. and it still wasn't enough, so she had to borrow MORE from her parents, making the total cost over 900,000 dollars. um yeah. we are never moving back there are we?
----i also watched like 3 episodes of kourtney and kim take new york (yucky flu bug = lots of tv...) and i think kourtney and scott are hilarious.  i feel like everyone hates the kardashians! am i the only one that is ridiculously entertained by them?
----if you follow my photography on facebook, you know that i recently got all set up to do studio photography! hurrah!  i'm doing a special right now until the end of february, so sign up quick! you can read more about it here.