grandma fisher came to visit.

and she held baby miles everywhere we went.
and everyone thought she was the mom.
it's an easy mistake to make, really.
especially when her hair looks like this...

i'm just teasing.
it was windy.
but isn't she pretty?
i love love love my momma.

the mute button

this little binky works wonders.

but we still like him when he's noisy too. 

(taken at the lobster hut in plymouth mass.)

also, please notice the curly mohawk miles is sporting these days, courtesy of grandma fisher. 

i do believe she once did my hair that way as well... :)

do not be deceived.

this little boy has become a monster.

you think i'm joking?

you think a 5 month old baby is not capable of being a monster?

i'm not joking.

and he is capable.

very capable.

somewhere between all the traveling and time change and confusion

he developed separation anxiety.

do babies even get that this young?

who even knows.

all i know is i cannot leave his side.

and if i try to lay him down for a nap or bedtime, he screams his head off. like a monster.

i've tried everything.

even letting him cry.

which breaks my heart right in half.

but that especially doesn't work because he cries so hard he makes himself sick.

and then i have a sick, mad, cranky baby who really doesn't want to go to bed now.

so i give in and i lay next to him

or i let him hold my fingers.

or i talk to him and sing to him and tell him stories until he falls asleep.

sheesh.

i think we are both exhausted.

so now what?

i let him learn bad habits.

and i won't let him cry anymore.

and i've read a million books (ok...3)

any ideas out there?

help!!!

dear porter,

on saturday morning,
i woke up early in your bed.
really early.
so we could catch a flight to boston.
your flight to boston.

i took a shower in your bathroom.
i packed up all my stuff in your room.
and i couldn't help thinking that it should be you doing this.
not me.
i should've been waiting for you in boston.

when the flight took off,
i looked out the window and saw the runway speeding past.
and i looked at mom and saw tears running down her face.
you never got to fly.
this was supposed to be your first time.
and i tried to imagine what you would've been thinking
during your first take-off.

general conference was this weekend.
i wonder if you watch it in heaven?
pres. monson wrote a talk just for us.
at least, i think he did.
it was so comforting to hear a prophet tell us
we will see you again.

easter was different this year.
it meant more to us than it ever has before.
Christ's atonement and resurrection are the reason
you will once again be reunited with your body.
and i cannot wait until that day.
to run to you and hug you and never let go.
i can't imagine a more joyful reunion.

love you.

"Among all the facts of mortality, none is so certain as it's end. Death comes to all. It is our universal heritage. It may claim its victims in infancy or youth. It may visit in the period of life's prime. It's summons may be deferred until the snows of age have gathered upon the head. It may befall as the result of an accident, or disease, or through natural causes. But, come it must. It inevitably represents the painful loss of association. And particularly, in the young, a crushing blow to dreams unrealized, ambitions unfulfilled, and hopes vanquished."

-President Thomas S. Monson

(Sunday AM session)

um?

anyone feel like my baby looks like an old man?

and just as I was about to doubt his cuteness....
he redeemed himself.

but let's be honest.
we all have our moments right?
I should do a post with all my hideous pictures.
believe me, there are quite a few.

mini photo sessions!

i realize this is really last minute...
seeing as i just decided to do this today.
i'm trying to expand my portfolio.
SO, i'm doing a mini photography session {a half hour slot}
for only $20
{includes a cd of at least 10-15 images, more if things go well :) }
Saturday, March 27 from 9-11am and 3-5pm
**if Saturday is too soon, we can try for a day next week.
at a location in Lehi that I'm going to check out tomorrow.
apparently it has awesome brick walls, train tracks, and a tire swing.
the weather is supposed to be 49° and sunny.
i'll bring some props... you can bring your own if you want too.
children. families. couples. whatever you want.
email me if you're interested at
kaliandwade@gmail.com
or
kalipoulsenphoto@gmail.com

you can also check out some of my favorite photo shoots
on my newly revamped, in-the-works, blog:
kalipoulsenphotography.blogspot.com

dear porter,

we did it.
we waited until the snow melted,
and we went to face your mountain.
my stomach hurt when we pulled into the parking lot
as i looked up at the cliff and pictured you standing up there.
and then pictured you falling.
which i really shouldn't have done.
but i couldn't help myself.

dave and brian came with us,
which made it a lot easier.
we hiked to the base of the cliff
where dad found you.
i wanted to stop everyone that passed us on the trail,
even though they were strangers.
i wanted to tell them what happened here.
i wanted them to know that it was a special place.
it didn't seem right for them to pass on by,
never knowing.

we searched everywhere for your shoe
and your glasses.
especially your glasses.
for some reason, it was so important to us to find them.
they were the last things you were wearing.
a small piece of you.

we almost gave up ever thinking we would find them.
there was so much brush
and so many rocks.
so much junk...
waterbottles,
trash,
tv's and scrap metal?
people who threw them off the cliff
as a joke.
its funny how you view things after something like this happens.

dad found your shoe first.
maybe 50 feet from where your body was.
how did it get that far?
maybe i don't want to know the answer to that.
but we were so glad it was still there.

we finally gave up on the glasses.
we thought they would be in a million little pieces.
glasses don't survive a fall like that.
just as we were about to leave,
dad glanced down,
and there they were.
in one piece.
a miracle, right up against the cliff wall.
our only logical conclusion is that they fell off
before you landed.
we will never know what really happened that day.
but miracles don't need logic.

a friend of yours shared a conversation she had with you

it was one you had on instant messenger.

ironically, about death.

and she had saved it on her computer,

back in august 2009.

you had dreamed you were dying

and you had been reading about the life after this one.

you told her you thought it would be a 

"peaceful beautiful thing."

that you believed family and friends greet you on the other side

and take you to a perfect place,

and that

"living here is only a tiny part of our huge adventure."

we can't wait to continue that adventure with you.

love you.