right now

i'm thinking about how funny it is that i bought a cucumber and a yellow squash
at the grocery store tonight.
the look on wade's face when i put it in the cart was priceless.
he was stunned to say the least.
i think i surprised myself as well.
i'm trying to expand my diet.
wish me luck.
also, that my gag reflexes don't kick in, as they have done since i was a wee one.

i'm thinking about how i took all my books back to the library today.
i have nothing to read, except for wade's book called "john adams"
i guess it is fitting, seeing as it is the week of the 4th
and i do live in boston.
it will be a learning experience.
although it will probably feel like a homework assignment.

i'm thinking about the future.
our future.
wade. me. the baby.
sometimes i feel like i'm not ready to be a mommy.
sometimes i see the world around us and i get scared to raise a child...
and i'm surprised at how my priorities are changing.
he's not even here yet.
but i can feel him. and i get to hear his heartbeat once in a while.
and he's part of me. and part of wade.
and so i already love him.
i'm just scared of messing up.

speaking of baby...
(who still has no name
and will probably be known as "baby" for the rest of his life.)
i'm thinking about how i am not enjoying what is happening to my body.
do not get me wrong. i think its a miracle what is happening inside of me.
but i think i can speak for most when i say that it is not fun
being HUGE and feeling large and fat and hideous every day.
it gets frustrating...
especially when i am trying so hard to eat well and stay active...
the pounds just keep coming.

i'm thinking about our apartment.
it's taken a while to get it just how i want it.
to make it our home.
and now it is our home. it's where i feel safe.
but in august we are moving.
and it makes me a little sad to leave it all and start over.
it was our first apartment together.
i already miss it and i'm not even gone yet.
how does that happen?

i'm thinking about wade and how lucky i am to have him.
how he rubs my feet at night and makes sure i have an extra pillow.
how he carries the groceries because my shoulders and back hurt too much.
how he locks the doors at night and takes out the trash.
how he goes to school all day.
and helps little kids at the hospital.
and works in the mornings.
and does homework all night.
but he STILL makes time for me
and never complains.
and i think that i couldn't be more proud of him.

and that is all.


LyndiLou said...

:) That's a lot to be thinking about!!!

I love hearing about how you love where you are in life... about how much you love your man, and your new little one... thanks for sharing!!!

Don't let yourself worry too much about gaining weight and changing... you'll balance back out once Baby is here! :) If you stay healthy and do what you can... Baby will take his furnishings with him! ;) Baby Chomp didn't leave much behind... I just have to remember that I don't need to eat for two the same way I used to! ;) You're beautiful and you're doing a great thing taking care of that new little soul! You'll be a wonderful Mom... because you're already thinking about sooo much! I'm excited for you!

Whitney said...

Good for Wade for rubbing your feet!!! :)
I totally agree with the whole body changing experience. Not fun. I tell my husband "I'm getting destroyed!!!" ha ha! But they're worth it, right? :)