if you know me at all, you know that i make lists a mile long. my fridge has one stuck to it right now. it has a to-do for today, this week, photography, and decorating. and then a blank spot for me to write whatever else comes along. and then there are notebooks and scrap papers and post-its scattered all over the place. better photography skills, better photoshop skills, better design skills.
my mind is craving more information. there's so many thoughts and ideas racing and so many things i want to learn. and there is a fine line between being inspired by other photographers and designers and being jealous and feeling completely no hope that i will ever be what i want to be. as good as i want to be. you know? i think the internet is a glorious thing. and let's be honest. it has so many resources. i don't have the time or means to go to school right now. i need to be working and i need to be a mom. and so i can do research galore online. but i can also get carried away. because there's a never ending amount of things i want to learn. but i don't want miles to look back on his childhood and think that his momma never played with him. and so i end up doing all this research after i get home from work. which is midnight. which is unhealthy. because i should be sleeping. basically i'm searching for some sort of balance in my life. and its hard. because i'm not a very patient person. i want everything now. i want to run a crazy successful business NOW. but i understand it takes years. i understand that the process of learning isn't something that happens over night. and i have to realize how far i've come since even two years ago.
and now, completely off topic. but all i want to do is buy the new jack's mannequin cd and take a little road trip to logan while its blaring through my speakers and out my open windows. i don't blare my music anymore. i grew up. i have a child. he doesn't like it. but do you sometimes ever miss your old self? like the person you were when you were learning who you were? ha. does that even make sense? independent and free and completely spontaneous. logan and jack's mannequin. those two things were my life back then. those few years when i learned about myself and learned who i was. what i wanted. what i didn't want. it was hard. and it was fun. and it was completely necessary to build my life now. and speaking of my life now? it's perfect. well, not perfect, obviously. but its perfect for us. perfect, if i remember that all i really need is my family. and these 2 guys are my world.
we took some family pictures this weekend. miles is becoming quite the independent boy. and he wants nothing to do with the camera. so of course, he's not looking at the camera. but it's good enough for now. :)