yayayayay!

wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! 

i'm sorry. i just can't contain myself. i'm that excited.

also...

so proud of him.

he has worked so hard for this.

and now he will be a new counselor

at a jail.

for those addicted to drugs and alcohol.

and i think he is brave.

and i really hope that he doesn't get beat up.

p.s. have you ever stared at the same words for so long that they start to look weird to you? like maybe they aren't even words at all?  well... "wade got a job" is starting to look like it could be german or something.

(holga. miles and wade at bear lake. july 2010)

a few things

(holga. taken at crane beach)

my red snow cone collided with my tan seats in my new (well....new to me) car this week and i'm still upset about it.

i saved a couple of rolls of holga film to be developed here in utah because the last time i developed it in boston, it cost me $13 for one roll and i was not happy about it. i got 2 developed today for $6. take that, boston.

speaking of boston.

dear boston,

sometimes i miss you and sometimes it makes my heart hurt a little. 

and then i tell wade and he says,

"are you kidding?!" and reminds of all the reasons why i don't miss you.

today wade and i had an argument at the one and only d.i. over whether or not dr. martens are still cool.  i told him they reminded me of the 90's and he said he didn't care because they last forever and he would rather be comfortable. and i said no they are ugly and i would rather be cool. and so, the dr. martens stayed at d.i. and i felt like a mean wife and my mom said she was zipping her lips on the matter (but i'm almost certain she would have taken wade's side).

i decided to buy miles a swimming pool to put in the backyard.  walmart was sold out of little baby pools because apparently, its hot outside or something? anyway, shopko came to the rescue and i paid 5.99 for a little blow up pool. well, it looked little in the picture. we came home and blew it up and now its taking up the whole living room.

a few more things:

i love the rain.

i love that the rain doesn't make me instantly sweat in the form of humidity.

i love the smell of wet concrete.

i love the sunset at wade's parent's house.

i love the mountains.

i love the cool evenings.

its good to be home.

but i will always be divided.

in the words of my favorite, andrew mcmahon:

"i met a girl who kept tattoos for 

homes that she had loved.

if i were here, i'd paint my body til

all my skin was gone."

-something corporate

"i woke up in a car"

and it's too bad i'm not that girl and that i don't get tattoos, because if i was that girl and i did get tattoos, i think i would probably have about 11 by now.

cute little miles

we had the fabulous haley ann warner take pictures of miles when he turned 8 months old.
i realize this is an insane amount of pictures, but i love them all too much. also, i'm obsessed with my baby.

dear porter,

hi little brother.
i'm finally home.
2 long years and i'm finally back.
i've waited a long time for this,
for the whole family to be together again.
i looked forward to the day for so long.
you were supposed to be here.
so now it's just bittersweet.
and the house can be full of people,
but it still feels empty.

miles is moving into your room.
we will probably put his clothes in your dresser.
but i feel weird about it.
i don't want to take your clothes out.
i don't want to rearrange your closet.
i don't want to move your things.
i want them to stay right where you left them.


we had family dinner last night.
the first time since you died that i think
we all finally sat down at the kitchen table together.
a kitchen table with 6 chairs.
one for each of us.
only the chair next to me was empty.
and after we all started eating,
mom looked up and looked at the chair next to me.
and we all had a quiet moment
and cried a little
and wondered if you were maybe there sitting next to me.

we found a video on the computer of you playing the bass.
as i was watching it, i got so upset.
you had such amazing talent.
you were really going somewhere with your music.
and it all just seems so...
wasted?
unfair?

mom was listening to it this morning and it was on sort of loud.
i could hear it from the other room
and for a split second, life felt normal again.
because i really believed it was you in the other room playing.
and i really believed that it was your bass rumbling through the walls.
but then the realization hits that it's not.
and its like losing you all over again.

we took miles up to see your headstone.
its the first time i've seen it since it was put in.
i let miles scoot all over it.
i know you wouldn't mind.
in fact, i think you would've liked to see him so happy
in such a sad place.

its been over 4 months
and we still miss you more everyday.
its hard to move on when
we can't stop thinking about you.

love you.

m.i.a.

 i know i have been missing for quite some time.
so many things to tell you.
so many pictures to upload.
another time.
when i'm not jet-lagged (okay....i am only 2 hours behind) and semi-confused about where my "home" really is.
i am home.
as in utah home.
but i keep talking about boston home.
like i'm going back sometime soon.
but, i am not.

and now for a few business matters....
i need a pediatrician. asap.
recommendations please?

also...
i'm having a homecoming special on my photography!!
**half off any portrait session**
if you book it this month.
(the session does not have to occur this month, just booked and paid for by july 31st)
email me at kaliandwade{at}gmail{dot}com
go here for pricing info.
if you're interested in a wedding special, email me and i will make one just for you. :)

music on a monday