i love you every day.

mr. miles at 26 months

2012-01-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

in his grandpa sweater that is hilarious and adorable at the same time.

in other news:
**i got my wisdom tooth removed on tuesday. feeling pretty good, but wade says thats just the pain killers talking. and speaking of pain killers and talking, apparently when i woke up, i had some interesting things to say. and i may have told all the receptionists and nurses at the front desk on my way out how much i liked them and how nice they were, at the same time, throwing a fit that i was being pushed in a wheelchair. also? i wanted my tooth back, so i could give it to miles.
**we are going to st. george this weekend for a fun little getaway with my family. my mom is running a half marathon and i will be running a 5k. i gotta start somewhere right? but i'm fairly certain i will be walking my first 5k because my shin splints are about to ruin me.
**did i mention i am shooting a wedding on the beach in cancun next month? i am entirely excited/freaked out/nervous/excited again. because a) i've never been there and i'm terrified of the unknown and b) what if someone steals my camera? i will cry myself to sleep for at least 3 years straight until i can afford to buy another one. and c) i hate leaving my baby. not that he won't be in good hands, because his grandma poulsen will be taking great care of him, but i will just miss him too much. and he probably won't even notice i'm gone. which is a good thing i guess.

2012-01-02T00:37:00.000-07:00

i saw this quote on pinterest and i thought, "what the! this is totally me! dang that stupid picture in my head for ruining everything!"
because i have this idea of how things are supposed to be.

and when its not that way, i sort of let myself feel down.

i sometimes feel like i've wasted so much time feeling inadequate instead of actually living.

i'm constantly looking for something that will make me feel like life is going the way i thought it was supposed to.

after we didn't have a baby, we thought about building a house. we got really excited about it and then realized it wasn't the best choice for us. we don't even know where we are going to be in 2 years after wade gets licensed and we don't want to get stuck with a house if we have to move somewhere for a job. then i thought about going to school because i feel like my 90 credits are just a waste. but to start a new major all over again would take me 2-3 years, and if i go to a private school and do it quicker, it would cost 25,000 dollars (what the!) plus, there's the fact that i hardly see my family as it is, how can i possibly have time to go to class, work, and be with miles during the day. it's impossible. so i feel like we are stuck in this transition stage where all we can do is wait. and in the meantime, i have GOT to find a way to stop wishing away my life and just enjoy it as it is. because i can tell you one thing, i felt this exact same way when we were in boston, and now i miss it more than anything. and another thing? maybe the way things were "supposed to" happen, and didnt, are good things. because i married the most perfect person for me. someone who treats me so well and takes such good care of our family. someone who took me across the country and gave me an experience i wouldn't trade for the world. someone who gave me the sweetest and most precious little boy. and we don't have a house. and we aren't rich. and we don't have nice cars. but maybe someday right? i'm just trying to force myself to realize that those things aren't important. and that there are some things that i just have no control over. and that's hard for a person who feels like they have to constantly have a plan. but there are things i can control, and that's working on myself. being a better person. having more patience with miles. getting more sleep. treating people kinder. eating healthy. exercising. being optimistc. and that's got to make me feel better than owning a house or being rich any day. so my new year's resolution? celebrate and appreciate the small progress i make despite my shortcomings. and when the day is over, instead of thinking about everything i should have done, i will remember the things i did do and give myself a round of applause, like miles does when he is proud of himself (only, i will do it in my head. because it's only cute when a 2 year old does it).

vaseline.

2011-12-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

i bet you've been wondering about miles's latest and greatest adventures lately...

seeing as his best talent is destruction.

well after he opened his christmas presents a couple weeks early in 2 seconds flat, he decided he needed some more entertainment.

we've been putting vaseline on his lips because they are so dry and chapped. well i left the vaseline on the counter after putting it on him. he went to play in his room and i went to do laundry in the room next to him. the next thing i know, he is running at me, crying, with his eyes squinted shut. i finally realized that he was covered in vaseline. and not just on his hands, but from head to toe. it was so caked on, he couldn't open his eyes. his hair was greased down and his clothes were destroyed. after taking pictures of him (i'm a terrible mother), i took all his clothes off, gave him a bath, started the laundry and put on a movie for him while i went on a search for the scene of the crime. of course there was vaseline on everything in his bedroom. the carpet. his toys. it looked like he had actually dunked an entire plastic elephant into the jar. needless to say, i've been cleaning up vaseline for days. and i just keep finding more. do you know how hard it is to clean up vaseline?!

total cheese.

2011-12-28T00:38:00.000-07:00

***i just have to say thank you to the amazing people i have in my life. so many cards and emails and phone calls and texts about my miscarriage. and so many people going through the same thing. it helps to know i'm not in it alone. i'm so grateful for your concern and support. i truly have the best friends anyone could ask for and i can't thank you enough for making me feel so loved!***

i love the first picture so much because it is totally miles right now.
so cheesy.
whenever he wants to stay up late or get our attention, he will grab us with both hands on our face and start cheesing it up like this.
it cracks me up.
he's such a ham.

p.s. don't judge his disastrous room. it is in the need of a serious make-over. we haven't done anything with it since we moved in except paint and store our old stuff in it (aren't we awful?). it's taking me forever to choose a bed and a chair! i really want a fabric recliner/rocker and i can't find the right one anywhere. suggestions please!

2011-12-25T01:48:00.000-07:00

merry christmas!

we are so grateful for this season

and so blessed to call you family and friends.

miles still hates santa

2011-12-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

just like last year.

thanksgiving point

2011-12-23T01:52:00.001-07:00

last night was the last night i had off work before christmas, so i made wade cancel his young men's activity and hang out with us. bahahaha. i'm evil. my mom joined in on the fun and we went up to thanksgiving point to see the lights and then we walked around for a few minutes to see the reindeer and the ice sculptures.

midway creche exhibit

2011-12-23T01:31:00.001-07:00

a few weeks ago, we went up to the creche exhibit at the homestead in midway with my family.

it's a huge display of over 900 donated nativity scenes. they were all made of different things, but my favorite were the african ones (of course). they were made out of crazy things like bottle caps, soda cans, and even dung(?!).

temple square

2011-12-23T01:02:00.002-07:00

we went to temple square to see the lights with our friends maddie and jtyler.

(who are engaged to get married in february! woohoo! we are half contemplating going to their wedding in SAN DIEGO...who wants to babysit?!)

miles liked the nativity scene, but after that, he was done. he freaked out because his hands were freezing.

but he refused to wear his hat or his gloves. (remember how i said he hates fun?)

so we only stayed for like 15 minutes and then left.

as we were wrestling miles all night, maddie asked us if wade and i ever get to hold hands anymore.

and wade and i both laughed.

hold hands?

what's that?

but you know what? i'm sort of okay with it. its just a new part of life. and if miles is the reason we don't hold hands anymore, then its worth the trade off. and when we are old and retired, we will have plenty of time to hold hands right?

wade sportin' his new hat his parents brought back from peru.

discovery gateway

2011-12-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

wade had veteran's day off, so we decided to go to lunch and take miles to discovery gateway at the gateway mall. unfortunately, everyone else had the same idea and the place was a madhouse. miles still had fun even though there were a kajillion kids running all over the place. there were a lot of fun things for him to run around and play with. he almost couldn't make up his mind and just kept running from one place to the next. i want to take him back again when there are less people. who's up for a playdate?! :)

miles's second birthday

2011-12-20T00:59:00.000-07:00

we had a low-key celebration for miles this year. we just invited my family over for dinner and then watched miles open presents. even though it was just a few people coming over, i still wanted to make a big deal out of his birthday because i wanted miles to feel like it was a special day. we did a zoo theme and decorated the house so he would be surprised when he woke up. when wade brought him out of his room in the morning and he saw the lanterns hanging on the light he said, "ooohhh wow!" he had a good time helping me make his birthday cake and he had even more fun eating it! and he finally understands opening presents and that there are fun things inside, so it was fun to watch him get excited.

2011-12-15T15:27:00.001-07:00

its been a long time since i've written. almost 2 months. there has been a lot going on that i've wanted to share, but i just keep coming back to one thing that has completely taken over my thoughts and feelings. i hesitate to share it because it is such a personal thing. something people hardly ever talk about. but it's been a part of my life and i need to write about it.

we have been trying to get pregnant for the last 8 months. maybe that's not a very long time compared to others. to me it, it feels like forever, especially considering how miles was such a surprise, we figured it would be a quick process. almost every month, i buy pregnancy tests in the hopes that one of them will say positive. finally, in october, i took a test late one night after work and it was positive. i had a hard time believing it since i had seen so many negative tests the past few months. we were cautious and didn't tell very many people. only immediate family and a few close friends. a few weeks after we found out, i started experiencing a lot of painful cramping. something didn't feel right, so i called the doctor and went in for an ultrasound. at this point, i should have been 10 weeks along. when he did the ultrasound, the baby was only measuring 5 weeks and had no heartbeat. the doctor told me the only thing i could do is wait a few more weeks and see if there was any progression. i went back 2 and a half weeks later and the baby had only grown to 6 weeks. this time there was a heartbeat but it was beating very, very slowly. also, there was almost no fluid surrounding the baby. the doctor didn't seem very hopeful, but he told me he had seen babies come back from this and that it was possible for the fluid to build up again. at this point, once again, all i could do is wait. i left the office feeling very uneasy. in my heart, i knew that something was wrong. that night, november 14th, i started bleeding very heavily and i knew it was over. the doctor confirmed this at another ultrasound a week later.

i know this is very common. a nurse told me this happens to every woman, at least once. but that doesn't make it any easier. it doesn't make it easier when all you want in this world is a baby. it was so hard for me to see that little heartbeat, and then know the next day that it was gone. if anything else though, this whole experience has made me so grateful for the little miracle that is miles. it has made me a better mom because i want to make the most of all the little moments i have with him, in case this is the only time i will ever get to experience them again. i took for granted all the appointments i went to and his heartbeat was there. so many things have to go right to have a healthy and normal child, and i think we forget that because there are so many healthy children born every day. it truly is a miracle to me.

this is the only picture i have of my baby. the only time i ever got to see it's little heart beating. and i feel so weirdly connected to it because it was the one moment where i saw it and knew it was there and alive.

2011-10-31T10:10:00.000-06:00

happy halloween!

love, miles the owl

we don't do scary.

2011-10-30T23:36:00.001-06:00

it has become apparent in the poulsen household that we don't do scary. wade and i just fast forwarded through an entire movie because we couldn't handle it. how is it that it has taken me three years to learn this about my husband? here i am, trying to be brave, and he keeps saying, "we don't have to watch this if you don't want to..." and then i finally realize he's saying it because HE doesn't want to. and i can't figure out what's better. having a husband that equally hates scary movies so that i never have to watch them? or having a husband that is BRAVE? i'm kidding. wade is brave. i have seen him charge out of bed with a giant metal flashlight at the sound of someone at our door in the middle of the night in boston. or go running up the stairs of a 5 story house when the alarm goes off, not knowing if there is a burglar in the house (also in boston). so basically, i think i am glad that i have a brave husband and an equally scary movie hater husband.

i will just stick with the cute parts of the coming scary holiday. you know, the parts where you dress your kid up in ridiculously hilarious costumes and put them on parade for all the neighbors. and then eat their candy.

(these are our pumpkins from the lovely halloween dinner bash my mom threw tonight. i said i wanted nothing to do with carving the pumpkins (seeing how it's gross and squishy) and somehow i ended up pulling the guts out of 2 and then carving them BOTH. tell me how that happens, cooper fisher? in all fairness...i forgot how fun it can be and i mostly just couldn't stop myself.)

on repeat.

2011-10-19T20:22:00.000-06:00

loving this cd.

a lot.

can't wait for the concert

and a little girl's night

in t-minus 6 days.

new website & specials!

2011-10-17T14:15:00.001-06:00

i've been so busy, i forgot to announce my new website!!
www.kalipoulsen.com
there's lots going on, so make sure you check it out. there's a giveaway once i reach 350 fans on facebook and also, my halloween special, which is sure to be so stinking cute!!

gardner village

2011-10-17T00:35:00.001-06:00

a couple of girls from work and i decided to go to gardner village for the day to have lunch and see the witches they have on display. i have never been to gardner village before, so it was fun to walk around and go into all the shops. i might just have to go back to buy a few things! after we were done at gardner village, we stopped at this adorable little fruit stand, which also happened to be by an antique store called 'home again'. i bought a really old telephone (don't judge.) and a turquoise mason jar. basically, it was the best fall autumn day ever and i wish it would last 3 months instead of 2 weeks.

also, remember how miles is scared of everything? it's getting really old. really fast. because, i've been so excited for him to grow up and see new things and it's sort of a bummer when everything we take him to just makes him scared and mad. so i'm crossing my fingers he outgrows this soon. and in the meantime, i'm trying not to force him to do things he doesn't want to and hoping that he gets curious on his own.

pumpkinland

2011-10-13T01:35:00.000-06:00

we made our 2nd annual trip to pumpkinland this week. remember last year when miles was itty bitty and couldn't even walk yet? i can't believe how much he has changed in just a year. we walked around and looked at all the pumpkins, then we went to the corn maze and walked through the play area. all miles wanted to look at was the turkeys though. he is going through this weird stage where he is seriously afraid of everything!! is this normal? you can see he is freaking out in a few of the pictures. but at least he liked the turkeys and the plants?!

its autumn time!

2011-10-12T01:14:00.002-06:00

we are loving this fall weather! i seriously think the month of october is my favorite month. i took miles for a little drive up the canyon to see the leaves, and thank goodness! because it snowed the next day. yes, the first week of october came with snow. he wasn't interested in the leaves, so he played in the mud while i snapped pictures. and he pretty much knows by now to ignore mom when she has her camera out. oh well.

and then i had to buy some apples. because they were in a brown paper bag. and i can't resist pretty apples in a brown paper bag. miles kind of likes them too...

yet another random post.

2011-10-04T15:33:00.000-06:00

if you know me at all, you know that i make lists a mile long. my fridge has one stuck to it right now. it has a to-do for today, this week, photography, and decorating. and then a blank spot for me to write whatever else comes along. and then there are notebooks and scrap papers and post-its scattered all over the place. better photography skills, better photoshop skills, better design skills.

my mind is craving more information. there's so many thoughts and ideas racing and so many things i want to learn. and there is a fine line between being inspired by other photographers and designers and being jealous and feeling completely no hope that i will ever be what i want to be. as good as i want to be. you know? i think the internet is a glorious thing. and let's be honest. it has so many resources. i don't have the time or means to go to school right now. i need to be working and i need to be a mom. and so i can do research galore online. but i can also get carried away. because there's a never ending amount of things i want to learn. but i don't want miles to look back on his childhood and think that his momma never played with him. and so i end up doing all this research after i get home from work. which is midnight. which is unhealthy. because i should be sleeping. basically i'm searching for some sort of balance in my life. and its hard. because i'm not a very patient person. i want everything now. i want to run a crazy successful business NOW. but i understand it takes years. i understand that the process of learning isn't something that happens over night. and i have to realize how far i've come since even two years ago.

and now, completely off topic. but all i want to do is buy the new jack's mannequin cd and take a little road trip to logan while its blaring through my speakers and out my open windows. i don't blare my music anymore. i grew up. i have a child. he doesn't like it. but do you sometimes ever miss your old self? like the person you were when you were learning who you were? ha. does that even make sense? independent and free and completely spontaneous. logan and jack's mannequin. those two things were my life back then. those few years when i learned about myself and learned who i was. what i wanted. what i didn't want. it was hard. and it was fun. and it was completely necessary to build my life now. and speaking of my life now? it's perfect. well, not perfect, obviously. but its perfect for us. perfect, if i remember that all i really need is my family. and these 2 guys are my world.

we took some family pictures this weekend. miles is becoming quite the independent boy. and he wants nothing to do with the camera. so of course, he's not looking at the camera. but it's good enough for now. :)

neon boneyard

2011-08-16T00:17:00.000-06:00

i'm basically a year behind.
you have missed a year of my life.
how does that make you feel?
anyway, we just celebrated our third anniversary.
and we are boring and couldn't think of anything better (or cheaper) to do,
so we went to las vegas.
mind you, i've been to vegas probably 23 times and i'm all vegased out.
i think that was the last time we will be going there,
especially since it just keeps getting dirtier and grosser (is that a word?) and i never want my children to step foot in such a disgusting place.
anyway, we did find one place that was worth the trip.
it was probably my favorite thing we did there.
it's called the neon boneyard and it's basically a pile of old neon signs.
ok so no one else probably thinks this is cool except me.
but they tell you all about the signs and where they came from and all about las vegas and what it was like before it was the vegas it is now.
besides melting in the 120 degree weather, we really liked it.
on to the pictures...

have you missed me?

2011-08-08T00:53:00.000-06:00

i think i fell off the face of the blogging planet.
it's been 2 months, folks.
and truth be told, i didn't really miss it.
mostly because i had nothing important to say.
and truth be told again, i still don't.
my life has become completely uneventful and monotonous.
its work, and sleep, and miles, and photography, and maybe sometimes i get to see wade.
i have more pictures on my computer of other people's families than i do of my own family.
i want to jump in the car and go on a road trip, but i can't, because wade went and grew up without me.
he has a real job now.
which means "vacation time" is required to do spontaneous road trips like we used to.
and he used it all up on scout camp and going to court for a ticket that was meant for another car (are you confused about that? because so am i. the ticket part. not the scout camp part.)
ANYWAY
i'm bored.
i need some adventure.
but i'm too ocd for adventure right now.
there are too many closets to organize and cupboards to sort through, and clothes to di and wine crate bookshelves to re-do and computer files to sort through and basically my mind cannot concentrate on anything like blogging when it's too busy sorting through a to do list. and wade thinks i'm a little crazy when i can't relax because there's clutter laying around. he tells me to ignore it. but there's no such thing as relaxing to me, if part of my brain knows there a pile of junk hiding in the corner (but i get that from you, right mom?). which is why this blog post makes no sense and it's just a random dump of words.

but i want to come back.
i want to write again.
and i will.
as soon as i'm not searching for every spare moment possible to nap.

2011-05-28T00:56:00.001-06:00

{holga. north end. may 2010}

sometimes my heart hurts for boston.
and sometimes we kick ourselves for ever leaving.
and sometimes i just kick wade (but it has nothing to do with boston, or leaving.)
maybe i will just always want what i can't have.
because probably if we ever move back there, i will just want to be here.
imagine living inside my brain. its rough up there, people.

lucky

2011-05-19T01:14:00.000-06:00

mommyhood is... well, it's hard.
and it's never as hard as you think it is until you are one.
when i found out i was pregnant with miles, i didn't think my life was going to change that much.
maybe i was selfish in my reasoning, but i just thought he would be my little sidekick.
kind of like a little doll that i would take every where with me.
he would be a good sleeper.
a good eater.
he would never cry.
never be unhappy.
obviously my expectations were a little high.
and obviously my expectations were shot to heck.
because he wasn't just a little doll that went everywhere with me.
he was a human being.
that was a HORRIBLE sleeper.
a HORRIBLE eater.
cried all the time.
had acid reflux.
dairy allergies.
ear infections.
and one insane momma.

really, the first 3 months were terrible. i loved my baby. but i didn't love my new life. it didn't revolve around my wants or needs anymore. it revolved around his. and that's when you have to give up your freedom. and that was really, really hard for me. and maybe this isn't how it worked for all you other moms out there. maybe i am just a bad mother who let her baby grow up watching tv (sometimes a lot) because she needed some time to just be herself again.

so why am i telling you this?

because i can finally say that i love being a mom.

has it taken me a year and a half? yes.

the change has been gradual.

and don't get me wrong. it's not like i've been waking up every morning thinking to myself, "wow. i really hate this." i have always loved my baby. he is my pride and joy. it's the change in lifestyle that was hard. it's waking up all hours of the night. it's getting ready to be somewhere 2 hours ahead of time because there is a diaper bag to be packed, a baby to be fed, clothed, and clothed again. and then the explosive diaper right as you're walking out the door. and the carseat and the stroller and the snacks and the toys. and planning your errands around naptime. and planing your cleaning around naptime. and just really trying to do anything during naptime when all you want to do is nap yourself.

but i've finally got it figured out.
not perfectly.
but miles and i, we have a routine.
we've figured each other out.
and it's working and i love it.
and this can happen:

or this.
or this.
and i can just laugh.

because there's moments when he comes running to me and just wants a hug. and moments when he says a word that i've been trying to teach him for weeks. and moments when he learns how to blow a kiss. and moments when i go into his room late at night and just hold him.

moments where i realize i love him more than i could ever love anything in this world.

and yesterday i was watching him play and babble to himself and blow kisses and wave bye to the rocket on little einsteins and i just felt so overwhelmed. because i don't know what i did to deserve him in my life. and i feel a little inadequate to be raising such a perfect little guy. but i do know that he makes me want to be a better person. and basically my point is

i just feel so lucky.

2011-05-17T11:39:00.001-06:00

every person on the planet should own this cookbook.
it has changed my life.
that might sound funny to you....
but i was in a SERIOUS rut.
a very SERIOUS RUT.
i basically never wanted to cook again.
and then 2 months ago i decided it was time for a change.
so i splurged from the monthly budget and bought this cookbook.
(and it's not really even that big of a splurge, people.)
and if i was a millionaire, i would buy it for every person i know.

i went from cooking... well, never.
to cooking almost every night.
these recipes are EASY PEASY lemon squeezy (i had to.)
and they tell you what side dishes to make with them.
and did i mention... delicious?!
go buy it. right now. (i got mine at deseret book, but if you can wait long enough for it to ship to you, amazon has it for cheaper. personally, i wouldn't wait. ha.)
your husband will be happy you did.

p.s. have you checked out my photography blog lately? lots of new, fun stuff!

lotion

2011-05-16T12:04:00.000-06:00

miles's latest and greatest adventure involved a bottle of baby lotion while his momma was in the shower. he came to me all wet and i thought maybe he had spilled water or something on himself. nope. just a bottle of lotion. all over him and all over the living room. oh and all over daddy's xbox controller. that was pretty awesome.

and if you're sick of these posts about the messes miles makes (say that 10 times fast), then stop reading my blog... because i hear it only gets worse.

miles got his first real boo boo...

2011-05-11T14:06:00.000-06:00

and he's obviously not very happy about it...

he took a plunge after trying to step from grandma's porch by himself and landed right on his face. poor little guy. :(

toilet paper confetti

2011-05-06T13:21:00.001-06:00

i can't let this little boy out of my sight for 2 seconds.
i came down the hallway to find this:

and then, this:

that is a boy on a mission. he is clearly off to find his next destructive activity, while i am cleaning the previous one. and that is basically our schedule every day.

one time i saw kobe bryant

2011-05-04T16:13:00.001-06:00

at disneyland.
and i chased him down like the paparazzi.
we were walking miles around while he napped.
we took a pathway to the side to avoid some crowds.
we saw a lot of disneyland workers casually walking in groups.
and then i saw a tall, black man with sunglasses and a hood.
and i would recognize that face anywhere because my brother is obsessed with him.
(me, on the other hand... not a huge fan.)
BUT he is famous.
so i whispered to wade, "that's kobe bryant! give me the camera!"
and i went chasing after him.
and wade says i blew his cover.
because i started taking a million pictures of him.
and then the other people around realized who it was.
i followed him over to the "it's a small world" ride.
and watched him jump in front of the entire line.
and ride in his very own boat.
and i waited at the end of the ride.
well some stupid security guard told me to stop taking pictures.
and shoved his hand in front of my camera.
and that ticked me off more than anything.
so i yelled at him.
me. kali poulsen. the non-confrontational, obey all authority, kali poulsen.
yelled at a security guard.
and wade thought i was going to get kicked out of disneyland,
the happiest place on earth.
and the moral of the story is:
i could never be paparazzi.
its just too much pressure.
(that, and its hard to take pictures when someones HAND is in front of your lens.)
here is my crappy proof:

fried clams

2011-05-03T01:26:00.000-06:00

this is a story about fried clams.
not the kind of fried clams that you would eat at a quaint little crab shack on the harbor.
(well...i wouldn't, but some people do) irrelevant.
anyway, this story is about a different kind of fried clams.
pay attention and you might figure it out.
when i was little, my family went on a vacation to california.
we went to the beach.
i gathered seashells.
i put them in a paper cup.
i took them home with me.
i accidentally left them in the car.
they sat in the hot, california sun all day.
then next morning, as my dad was loading up the luggage,
he discovered a foul smell.
he searched the vehicle for the offending item.
and lo and behold, he found my paper cup of seashells.
only they weren't just seashells.
they were live clams.
well they used to be, at least.
and they had been fried. in the car.
and needless to say, my family wasn't very happy.
seeing as they had to make the 13 hour drive back to utah
in a car that smelled like rotten clams.
the end.

easter

2011-04-24T21:18:00.001-06:00

ever since we introduced miles to candy, he's been a little bit obsessed. if he ever sees it, he freaks out until he has it. hence, the reason he is screaming at us in this picture (can you say spoiled rotten?!). this little fact also hindered us today in our easter egg hunting. he didn't want to hunt. he just wanted to bust open every egg and eat every piece of candy as he came to it.

happy easter!

4 letter words

2011-04-22T16:35:00.000-06:00

miles's current vocabulary consists of:

"don't!"
"uh-oh"
&
"no no."

and i am afraid i am the reason to blame. but how can i help it if his days are full of naughty activities.
today, for example, went like this:
spilling apple sauce down the front of him
breaking a pen and polka dotting his blond hair with ink
dyeing easter eggs by dropping the eggs from extreme heights into the mugs and splashing colored water everywhere and then
playing in the dirt out on the porch.

i have bathed him and stripped him of his clothing. and he will stay naked until he goes to bed, because really...i can't keep up with him.

i am on camera crack.

2011-04-12T01:35:00.001-06:00

really.
just try to stop me.
i'm addicted.
make sure you go check out my photography blog
RIGHT NOW
because i'm looking for models. YOU.
and i'm also booking sessions for the most epic easter mini sessions you've ever heard of in your life.
seriously.
and if i sound a little out of control for 1:28 in the a.m., its because i just got home from work and i'm all hyped up on diet coke and my mind is racing with a million new photo session ideas and i can't wait for those dreamy summer evenings when the lighting is just right. so hurry up! get over to my photo blog, NOW! and don't forget to tell everyone you know about it. and even people you don't know. and if you do, well, i will spoil you with cadbury mini eggs and maybe even a discount.

and maybe someday, when i get enough motivation, i will blog about our christmas in california and the time i stalked kobe bryant like the paparazzi.

on the map

2011-03-25T01:16:00.000-06:00

do you use google maps?
i find them to be oh, so helpful.
especially when i lived in boston.
we googled everything.
anyway,
if ever get the urge to type
1129 beacon st., brookline ma 02446
into google maps
and then click street view,
you will stumble upon this awesome display:

and there you will find jared, wade, susan and i
working hard (or hardly working)
on the day jared and susan moved to boston.
that would be their moving truck.
and that would be me, doing some awesome supervising
(i was six months pregnant)
the google car just happened to drive by
with their big ol' camera.
and jared waved.
i love that he is waving.
and when he called at 1 am to tell us we were famous on google maps,
i laughed for ten minutes.
so worth being woken up for.

the reveal

2011-03-21T17:29:00.000-06:00

as promised, here is the little project i have been working on.
i still need about 10 more wine crates to finish it up, but since they are so hard to find, who knows when i will be done. so i figured i would just show you half of it. it's in the corner of my living room, so eventually i want it to feel up that corner, with basically two rows on each of the walls. that is why one side is all jagged and the other is even.

i love the jagged edge. it makes it feel more rustic to me. basically all i did was pull all the metal staples out and then stain the crates with a dark walnut stain. i really loved the stamped and engraved labels on the wood, so as soon as i painted a coat of stain on, i wiped it off so that you could still see the stamps through the stain.

then i stacked them up how i wanted them and my fabulous husband screwed them all together.
i'm in love with it.

our week

2011-03-21T17:05:00.000-06:00

was spent like this:

fevers.

throwing up.

vertigo.

bronchitis.

sinus infections.

1 ER visit.

1 dr. visit.

2 prescriptions filled.

and i think we are finally all starting to feel better around here.
although i can't quite be sure because miles is either still feeling yucky,
or has a serious case of the terrible two's,
starting a little too early for my liking.
he honestly has learned to throw a tantrum
by flopping himself on the floor and just laying there.
also, today he got mad and shoved a cup of juice out of my arms and all over my white shirt.
it was awesome.
it was also in public.
we are thinking of having his name permanently changed to grumpy pants.

2011-03-05T07:00:00.001-07:00

mommy guilt

2011-02-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

i did it. i left miles in daycare today. for one whole hour.
i got a gym pass last month and only went like 4 times. my little miles was hindering me.
so i upgraded to the pass with DAYCARE.
ahhhhh.
and i almost cried when i set him down and walked out.
because what if another kid hurts him?
what if he is sad and confused and no one is watching him close?
i just get so very very nervous leaving him with people who don't know him and love him, ya know?
but i have to do this, for my own sanity, i have to do it.

but i feel so horribly guilty.

create

2011-02-24T13:55:00.001-07:00

from one of my all-time favorite cry fest movies:

my little miles

2011-02-23T00:53:00.000-07:00

i know you may feel the urge to kidnap him after seeing these pictures, but just know that there is no reason to turn to criminal activities. i have no problem loaning him out a couple days a week for a small fee. :)

2011-02-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

thank you, hallmark commercial, for making me cry.

(holga, rockport, ma.)

2011-02-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

i got a little nervous today when i saw some hoodlum teenage boys crossing the crosswalk in front of my car today. and i thought to myself, what if miles turns out like that? what if he wants to dress like a punk and grow out his hair and never take baths and be a gross little, scary kid? and then it got worse. and the whole way home i was thinking oh no. my baby is going to do drugs. and date girls i don't like. and get in trouble at school. and drive cars too fast. but really... what can i do about it?

i want him to stay my little baby forever.

but he won't.

and i want to be the one who will make all his choices.

but i can't.

and i hate that.

wine crates

2011-02-09T16:28:00.001-07:00

i can't wait to show you what i'm doing with these little beauties.
do you know hard it is to track down wine crates in the state of utah?!
i have 10 down and 10 to go until my masterpiece is complete.
but in the meantime, my neighbors will continue to think i'm a raging alcoholic as i continue to carry crate after crate into my apartment.

2 years

2011-02-09T16:16:00.002-07:00

(june 28, 2010 on our front stoop in boston)

funny that i'm posting about our 2 year anniversary....

when we will be celebrating 3 years in just 5 months.

oh well.

i'm mostly telling you about it because the place we ate was awesome.

actually...

all we did on our anniversary is go to lunch because wade had school that day.

the restaurant is called fire and ice.

its basically like a big salad bar/buffet where you choose all your own meats/pastas/sauces/vegetables and you throw them all in a bowl and you give it to the chef and he cooks it on this big rotating grill right in front of you.

we loved it.

2011-02-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

even though he watches so much dora the explorer that it makes me want to scratch my eyes out, i could not love him any more. that's a lie. i will probably love him even more tomorrow. and sometimes i sneak in his room in the middle of the night and hold him because i just can't get enough of him in one day.

hampton beach

2011-01-31T23:52:00.001-07:00

i have known these girls my entire life.

okay...since i was 12. so half my life.

same thing.

anyway, i love them with all my heart.

they came to visit a week before we moved.

which ended up to be PERFECT timing because i got to play tour guide one last time and do everything i loved in boston, plus they were so nice to help watching miles while we packed. and then i even got to jump on the same plane as them when they flew back to utah. we took them up to hampton beach in new hampshire the first day to see the sand sculpture competition.

is this making you long for summer and warm weather? i can hardly stand this winter weather any longer.

2011-01-28T17:01:00.002-07:00

he is a child after my own heart. yes, that is a potterybarn magazine he is looking at. he was quite grumpy in the car today and that's the only thing that would entertain him. i like potterybarn magazines when i'm grumpy too.

the candy cane

2011-01-27T22:32:00.001-07:00

once upon a time
i gave miles a candy cane.
it was root beer flavored.
but i'm already getting a head of myself.

once upon a time we had an old honda accord.
a 1991 to be exact.
with 278,000 miles on it.
i kid not.
and i went on a really long drive.
as in 2 hours.
(i realize this is a lot of numbers for you to take in right now)
and lucky us, the air conditioner broke.
and it was a week of record highs and like 98% humidity.
poor little miles was turning red and sweating up a storm.
so i stripped him of his clothing.
when we arrived in the town of rockport,
i bought a waterbottle and poured it on his sweating body.

now let's get back to the candy cane.
i gave miles a candy cane.
it was root beer flavored.
this was miles first encounter with sweets.
as you can see, he was happy as a clam.

but when he started drooling and getting a sticky mess all over the place,
i was not.
so i took it away.
miles was not very happy with me.
he screamed his head off.
so i gave it back to him.
and even as he sucked on it,
he continued to scream.
i guess my actions were just really hard to get over.
that is one ticked off kid.

(rockport, ma june 2010)

going away in style.

2011-01-27T21:58:00.001-07:00

these are pictures of our going away party in boston, held in our backyard on our cute little patio surrounded by brick wall buildings in all directions and greenery. can you just picture it? i can. and it's making me emotional. anyway, before i start crying, meet all our boston lovelies:

(the rice krispies from the infamous great rice krispy fire of 2010)

psst. wade. your eyes are closed.

i miss them all terribly.

clarification

2011-01-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

my mother would like me to clarify that none of the comments about my previous living arrangements had anything to do with living in her home. they all referred to the tiny apartments i lived in in boston.

you're welcome, mom.

thank you and goodnight.

i'm so happy i could cry.

2011-01-21T16:33:00.000-07:00

as you know, we have moved. into our very own space. let me just say that this is what heaven must feel like. okay, okay, it is just a 2 bedroom apartment. but people! i can raise my arms over my head to take off my shirt (do you really want to know this?) without bumping my hands on the ceiling. we have 4 (YES. FOUR.) closets, one being a storage shed on the patio. i have a real kitchen. a REAL one. with cupboards and a....wait for it....DISHWASHER! and i don't have to load up my laundry baskets and stack them on top of each other and carry them like gus gus on cinderella

(in case you need a visual image of me)

down the street to the laundromat because i have an ACTUAL washer and dryer in my bathroom. really, like i said, HEAVEN. it doesn't take a lot to make this girl happy.

now that i have my own place, i get to decorate to my heart's desire. and you guys better be excited because i have been scouring saver's and di and ksl.com for some great deals and i've become such a cheap-skate that i don't even know who i am anymore. and i buy the most hideous things for .99 cents and i bring them home and wade just stares at me and shakes his head, but he will be happy when i am done. he just doesn't know it yet.

oh and one more reason i'm so happy i could cry: i lost all the pictures from my last 2 months in boston... our anniversary, the 4th of july on the charles river, my cute friends heidi and lindsay coming to visit me, a trip to rockport, our going away party, my very last pictures of the city the night before i left. my heart hurt so much. i would lie awake at night, just sick to my stomach that they were gone. WELL GUESS WHAT. i popped an unlabeled dvd into my computer the other night as i was trying to clean out our junk and there they were!!! i never put them on my computer, but apparently somewhere between the disaster of moving across the country, they got burned to a dvd. and i just stared at the computer screen in shock and i really did cry. so i know it's way behind, but i will finally get to catch up on all our adventures since may. woo hoo!

i quit.

2011-01-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

in case you didn't notice...
i failed miserably.
i can't do it.
nor do i want to.

this past week without the internet has been sort of...
nice.

and so i am giving up.
and i think i am okay with it.

and also, i am raising a puppy that likes to play in the toilet.
he goes by the name of miles.
suggestions please!?
or i might just have to duct tape the toilet seat down.

8

2011-01-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

i present to you

my socks.

they come from the land of costco.

and i love them so much.

mostly because when i look down,

its almost as if i am reading my initials 'kp'

only backwards.

i am that weird.

today is moving day.

i tend to get all weird on moving days.

i'm not a stranger to it.

i've only moved 12 times in the last 5 years.

(it's the college years that did it to me...)

i am not exaggerating, my friend.

but i get all sentimental and sad.

and i usually end up crying myself to sleep

the first night in a new place.

and for that reason,

i claim again to be weird.

7

2011-01-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

this little project of mine should be re-titled

to "365 views of my child"

but let's be honest

he's the only thing i have to take pictures of.

he's such a good little model.

and in case you can't get enough of him...

be jealous of his eyelashes.

6

2011-01-06T22:30:00.001-07:00

miles sure loves his baths.

and i sure love his baths...

because bedtime comes right after them.

5

2011-01-05T11:12:00.001-07:00

this is the piano i learned on.

and if my mom has anything to do with it,

miles will learn on it as well.

he has already started his career as a concert pianist,

specializing in the pound and babble method.

4

2011-01-04T16:43:00.001-07:00

(boring cell phone pic)

i did nothing today except fill my car with gas

and run to walmart for a wrapping paper storage bin.

i'm going back to work after a week off.

boo.

wish me happy tips.

3

2011-01-03T18:07:00.001-07:00

spent the morning playing with miles's new blocks.

he likes to watch me build towers.

and then he likes to knock them over.

he has become sort of a destructive little stinker.

2

2011-01-02T17:51:00.002-07:00

home. sweet. home.

our flight got delayed 2 hours.

we got home at 1 a.m.

my lumpy mattress has never felt so good.

apparently miles feels the same way.

he napped for 3 hours and then 2 more.

and now off to do loads of laundry and unpacking.

(the worst part of vacationing...)

1

2011-01-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

ok for real this time, people.

we spent the day at san diego wild animal park.

but i'm sure i will be posting lots more about this vacation later.

project 365

2010-12-28T12:48:00.001-07:00

everyone makes lofty new year's goals.
well this one, my friends, is quite lofty.
i am lacking in the photography memory making department.
because i am usually taking the pictures for other people,
i sort of forget to take my own.
and so,
i present to you:

in hopes of forcing me to take my camera out more often,
i will now be posting a picture every day
for a year.
i am scared.

merry christmas

2010-12-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

because i am ~~lazy~~, ~~lacking in postage funds~~, digitally inclined, here is our christmas card this year. we hope you have a wonderful christmas. we are so grateful to have you for family and friends!

we are so looking forward to this coming year and all it has to offer.
and be excited for a new upcoming project on my blog!

i think i am a bad person.

2010-12-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

i laughed at a homeless man.
he came into work, high as a kite.
sat at my table.
smelled up my section.
shouted out profanities.
and said some pretty hilarious things.
oh. and we can't forget.
he rolled a joint.
at my table.

does it make me a bad person that i found the whole situation terribly funny?
even 3 hours later
after he camped out at my section and left me a quarter,
i was still laughing.

december

2010-12-23T00:27:00.001-07:00

is making me a crazy woman.
i feel like such a scatter-brain.
i am losing things, and tripping over things and breaking things left and right.
AND today,
i backed into my own husband's car.
(with my new car.
that i haven't even made a car payment on yet.)
then when i got to work,
i broke a glass,
and a plate.
and dropped a whole thing of ranch down the front of me.
and i wanted to cry.
but i already did that when i wrecked my car.
and so i just laughed at how pathetic my day was.
i have lost my mind.
along with my glasses
(which, fyi, makes me walk around in the morning for 3 hours like a zombie because my eyes hurt too much to put my contacts in when i get up. and my eyes are so bad that i really cannot see my child. so at least 16 times a morning, i find myself saying, "oh miles... where are you?" it's making me much more in tune with my sense of hearing though...)
but the good news is
we found an apartment
(and maybe when we move, i will be able to organize my life a little better because i won't be living out of boxes anymore)
AND
we are going to disneyland next week with wade's family.
we sort of need a break around here.
(and here's one last sentence in parenthesis, because there haven't been enough yet.)

temple square

2010-12-21T00:43:00.003-07:00

we braved the cold and went to see the lights at temple square with our friends jake and erin and their cute little kids. they have a boy named ben and him and miles are destined to be the best of friends. we are loving being in utah for the christmas season!

scary santa

2010-12-20T16:53:00.001-07:00

miles's first encounter with santa.

as you can tell,

he wasn't quite a fan.

dear porter,

2010-12-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

last week
we received a card in the mail.
a thank you card.
from some anonymous person
who received a donation
from you.
a tendon for their knee.
which made it possible for them
to have full use of their leg restored.

it's hard to believe that there is someone
out there
walking around with your tendon
in their knee.
i like knowing that a part of you
is still living,
moving,
and functioning...

christmas was supposed to be different this year.
my first christmas home in 3 years.
i was so excited to be with everyone again.
christmas will definitely be different.
but not in the way i hoped.
mom was going through the ads
last sunday
and broke down
at the thought that there would be
no boxers this year.
no white t-shirts.
no music gadgets.
that we would never be buying you
another christmas gift.

and while i was picking out t-shirts
for cooper and jordan,
i didn't even have to double check myself.
i automatically knew i needed to buy 2.
not 3.
and usually i have to remind myself
that 3 is one too many.
but this time,
it was normal.
without a thought.
which, i think means,
i'm getting used to the idea
that you really are gone.
and i don't like it.

everyone told us that time would heal us.
make it easier.
make us feel better.
but i beg to differ.
we aren't healed.
we don't feel better.
there is a lingering sadness
that follows us everywhere we go
all day.
time isn't healing us.
it's just teaching us how to wake
up every single day and
keep moving.
the pain is still there.
we are just getting better at dealing with it.

i miss you little brother.
merry christmas.

miles attacks the keyboard

2010-11-29T16:40:00.001-07:00

i have introduced my child to online gaming,
courtesy of fisher-price.
his favorite is rainforest peekaboo.
all he has to do it push a button.
any button.
and he is in love.
the only problem is,
he is now a crazy person around the computer.
and thinks it's okay to pound the keyboard at any given time.
if you want to teach your child this skill,
go here:
(although i don't recommend this if you care very very much about your keyboard)
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=30&e=gameslanding&mcat=game_infant%2Cgame_toddler%2Cgame_preschool&site=us

i've been so busy.
work has consumed me.
i've been so busy, in fact,
that yesterday i just realized i have only been shaving one armpit.

and so today,
i have a break.
and i am so very tired.
so miles and i are staying in our pajamas all day.
and i don't mind if he wants to attack the keyboard
because i sure as heck am not much entertainment.

the desert

2010-11-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

i'm down in arizona at a photography workshop for the weekend.

i stopped in st. george for a sleepover with the one and only viva
and we went to dinner at texas roadhouse,
followed by the classic run to walmart for an assortment of random items
including an air freshener for my new car. (yes!)
we picked smooth amber.
and quickly learned that it smelled quite awful.
awful, as in, horrible, cheap, rancid after shave.
then we went to maverik to get a new air freshener
to cover up the horrible smell and get a redbox (toy story 3. melt my heart)
while we sat in the car, assembling my new air freshener (hey, it was high tech, people)
a james franco look-a-like came up to the redbox in front of our car.
and i dared viva to give him the horrible, cheap, rancid after shave.
i mean, air freshener.
and she did.
and if things go my way, they will be engaged in six months.

then i drove through las vegas,
where a stop at h&m was a must.
and i wanted to buy the whole store,
but i also wanted my husband to be happy to see me when i go home.
so i settled for a 3 dollar headband and a 5 dollar pair of earrings
and went on my merry way,
until i was stopped by old navy and forced inside by the baby shoes.
these ones, to be exact:

then i made a stop at the hoover dam.
and basically the only reason i did that was because
of the movie madagascar.
and remember the penguins when they say,
"hoover dam! we're still in new york!"?
and also, i wasn't in a huge hurry to spend the entire day driving.
so i took my sweet time.
and it was cool.

and now i am spending 2 days cramming my brain full of photo info.
and it might explode.
k bye.

p.s. there are just wild pig things running around the neighborhoods here.
and i find it weird.
and i can't decide if i would rather have creepy crawly centipedes
or pigs.

drum roll please....

2010-11-16T08:46:00.001-07:00

i'm so excited about this, i can barely contain myself.
i've been working on in it for months...
and it's not quite finished.
but i present to you:
www.kalipoulsen.com
wooohooooo!!

dear porter,

2010-11-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

"if only i don't
bend and break,
i'll meet you on the other side.
i'll meet you in the light."
-keane

love you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdJvEDaLXfc

one

2010-11-08T14:03:00.001-07:00

my little baby is not so little anymore.
today is his first birthday.
he's all grown up and it makes me a little sad.
but i'm also excited because he is getting more fun every day!

happy birthday miles!

we had a big bash over the weekend.
and miles got to eat his very own cake.
pictures coming soon!

music on a monday

2010-11-08T12:17:00.002-07:00

diary of a mad waitress

2010-11-06T00:46:00.000-06:00

before i even start, i would just like to say:
i am not a bad waitress.
i don't mean to be arrogant.
i've just been doing this for almost 7 years.
and i would like to think that i sort of know what i'm doing by now.
i would also like to think that most people are generally good people inside.
but for some reason,
that completely changes when they dealing with us waitresses,
who are so lowly and scummy that they don't deserve to be treated with respect.
and it has made me lose my "general good people" feeling and start to have a
"general hate all people" feeling.
i more often than not, leave work thinking, "really?? did that REALLY just happen??"
(not all days... there are definitely good people out there, like the ones that leave $20 because they are just that nice.)
onward.
tonight, i had the pleasure of serving 2 young couples.
they ordered all you can eat wings.
the policy is no sharing, no take out boxes.
its all you can eat.
you don't go to chuck-a-rama and take everything home in box.
well, they asked for a box anyway, and i told them no.
its the rules.
its my job.
and apparently it makes me mean.
well they were mad.
they argued.
and 3 minutes later i saw them rolling up their extra wings in a napkin.
A NAPKIN.
and putting them in their pocket. seriously?
never mind that its a little gross....
but seriously?
i don't have to even tell you that they didn't tip me.
oh and then on the way out, one declared that he was calling the "capital of winger's"
as if winger's was a country.
yes, you do that.

AND THEN,
a table of 8 girls,
before i can even say hi,
one starts yelling at me about how she asked 4 times for a highchair and didn't get it.
well i'm not the host, i know nothing about this, but sure i'll get one.
and then another one because you don't like that one.
and then a kids menu and crayons for your child thats too small to even know how to color.
or eat regular food for that matter.
and then when i asked them what they wanted to drink, i was ignored.
and then when i asked them what they wanted to order,
i was ignored.
one girl looked up and rolled her eyes,
and then went back to her conversation.
i was ignored 3 times.
it took them 30 minutes to order.
and then they complain about how long it took to get their food?
well, lets see, i think thats because you sat there forever,
caught up in your ridiculous gossip that you forgot to even notice i was standing there.
and then you have to nerve to write on the tip line of your credit card:
" $0.00 be a better and nicer waitress!!"
ok.
but you be a better and nicer person first.

my job is the best.

the pumpkin patch

2010-11-01T23:28:00.000-06:00

there is a pumpkin patch in vineyard.
yes that is a city. i think?
i used to go here every year when i was little.
and sometimes my elementary school would go on fieldtrips.
it was so fun to take my husband and baby.
and to make up for my lack of pictures lately-
here are a ka-jillion of miles.
he's growing so much!
he will be 1 in a week!
and we are going to celebrate like crazy!
and i know he won't remember,
but let's be honest,
we are actually just celebrating that we made it through one year with a child.
ha. jk. sort of.

p.s. dear jared and susan,
do those shoes on miles's feet look familiar?
thats because i stole them.
well technically,
i didn't steal them,
because i didn't know i still had them.
i found them in the bottom of a box.
(don't worry-
not next to the dead mouse i recently found.)
anywho,
i will be mailing them back to you
but only after miles outgrows them.
because they are just too darn cute.
ok? thanks!

miles the dinosaur

2010-10-30T23:19:00.000-06:00

now announcing....

2010-10-23T00:15:00.003-06:00

hello long lost friend.

2010-10-06T01:17:00.001-06:00

(please tell me this picture makes you laugh.

and then be jealous that he is mine.)

my friend whitney told me that every time she reads my blog lately, she feels like i hate my life.
i should probably make it known that this is not true.
i have a great family and the cutest little baby (does he still count as a baby?) and the best husband on the planet.
but hello! you don't want me to start sounding like this person do you? (in case you're out of the loop...it's not real. but oh, so very very funny, seeing as i ACTUALLY know people like that.)
anyway, i'm happy. content.
and frying my brains out.
photography has become my obsession. i spend every spare moment researching printers and web designers and taking classes and going to workshops and i have a goal to have everything up and running by christmas! i'm so excited that i finally get to put more effort into what i love doing most! which means.... i will hopefully get to quit my HORRIBLE job sometime in the near future. and i'm not going to even mention where it is because it's too embarrassing (but it starts with a 'wing' and ends with an 'ers' and i've worked there off and on since i was 16 and people think it's okay to tip .48 cents and you might think i'm kidding but it happens no less than 3 times a shift.)

our week will be filled with my best friend's wedding, my birthday (woohoo! the big 24), a trip to blanding/moab without the baby (ahh...first time ever. i don't know if i can bear it.) catching up on f.r.i.e.n.d.s (season 6) and grey's anatomy (season 1)...i truly am THAT far behind... and hopefully some blog posts dated clear back to may. yes, may. its about time i tell the story of how i lost my little brother in the big apple.

are you confused?

2010-09-28T01:53:00.000-06:00

don't worry.
so am i.
if you read my last post (which has been deleted, thank you very much)
you can go ahead and pretend i never wrote it.
things got too complicated.
people got confused.
i just can't juggle all the blogs, and the emails, and the facebook pages.
so its back to my regular old name:
http://kalipoulsenphotography.blogspot.com
carry on.

p.s. if you are also wondering why i never made my blog private...
well did you know blogger only allows 100 emails?
hello!?
so while i decide what to do about this predicament, my blog will continue to be a free for all.

one more thing.
in case you are getting really annoyed,
a REAL blog post is coming soon.
and by soon, i probably mean in like a month.

can i be frank?

2010-09-27T00:22:00.000-06:00

you're invited to a pity party.

my pity party.

and really, i don't want your pity.

just your permission to whine.

also, why am i asking permission?

anyway.

today, miles threw up.

the first two, i somehow dodged.

then he got wade.

twice.

and then he got me.

twice.

once it went down my shirt.

that felt awesome.

then i showered.

and he got me again.

and then wade.

and we started a competition to see who got hit the most.

i think we tied with an even 4 each.

and my poor little baby hasn't eaten anything since this morning.

it breaks my heart.

it breaks my heart even more that we paid for an instacare visit when our insurance starts in, yes, 4 DAYS.

now onto me being frank.

i feel that this is probably too personal for my liking.

yes, too personal. as if all my stories about me being allergic to my husband and throw up going down my shirt aren't personal enough. only its a different kind of personal. the kind of personal where i tell you why sometimes i hate myself. that some days i say to myself, "what on earth am i even doing with my life." which is, of course, related to all things in my life. and then there's the times where i am editing 17,000 pictures on my computer and i think to myself, "really? am i doing this because i love it?" and most of the time, i do love it. but there are times when i just want to throw my camera out the window and publicly declare that i have banned all forms of photography, personal and professional from my life, because try as i might, i just can't get where i want to be with it. and i take classes and i study my brain out, and how many possible ways can there really be to properly expose a picture? and then i start comparing myself to everyone else and it becomes not fun anymore. sometimes, i feel like there is some hidden trick that everyone is hiding from me. and then my precious husband, who doesn't even know the difference between aperture and shutter speed (bless his heart) tries to tell me i'm being too hard on myself. and while we are talking about things that get me down, you should also know that i am no good at public speaking. i hate large groups. i avoid social gatherings like the plague. in fact, get me in a group with more than three people and i will probably shut down. which surprises some people because i can honestly say that i am shy and they laugh in my face. but guess what. I AM SHY. and very self conscious. and if you say something to me that could even remotely be close to an insult, i will probably worry about it for nights on end before i fall asleep, (which is another reason for me to say bless wade's heart.) oh, and that brings up another point. i worry. non-stop. i drive my own self crazy sometimes. and instead of doing something about it, i just do nothing. which causes me to procrastinate, which causes my days to be stressful, and my nights to be long and sleepless and my mornings to be, well, horrible. which thank goodness that my mom likes to take my baby for walks. and then i add to the list of things to worry about: #305497 my baby will like my mom more than me.

now that i've exposed my soul, who wants to join my pity party?

only please, no more than 3 people are allowed at once.

2010-09-24T12:23:00.002-06:00

my grandma and grandpa are celebrating their 50th anniversary tonight.
they asked me to make a slideshow for their big shin-dig.
this is the song they wanted. {you're my best friend, by don williams}
and when i showed them the finished product, they both cried.
i hope i'm this in love when i get old. :)

this weekend, after the party, of course, we are taking a quick trip logan for a photo class (woohoo!)
and then straight back down for a wedding tomorrow night, shot by yours truly.
also. i'm just happy that i will get to be in wade's presence in the daylight hours longer than 30 minutes.
we are both grateful to have jobs...
just wish there was more time in the day.

happy weekend!

music on a monday

2010-09-20T08:36:00.001-06:00

psst.

2010-09-19T21:39:00.000-06:00

brigham city and logan!
i'm coming up there for photo sessions on oct. 2nd.
i only have a few more slots open.
let me know if you want one!

the time has come.

2010-09-16T12:48:00.001-06:00

we are going private.
i hate to do this. i know it's sort of a pain.
if you would like to keep reading my blog, please send me your email addresses.
either in a comment or to my email kaliandwade @ gmail . com

dear porter,

2010-09-14T00:18:00.001-06:00

you were born on this day,
nineteen years ago.
it was friday the 13th.
mom said there was a bat loose in the hospital's hallway.
if i were superstitious,
i would say that was a bad sign of things to come.
but i'm not superstitious.
so it's just funny.
we used to tease you for being born on such a creepy day.

i spent the morning looking at pictures of you.
it is so very strange to see you staring back at me
and looking so very alive.
and every single picture i have to remind myself that you aren't here anymore.
and i wonder when it's going to feel real.
because 6 months seems like a long time for something to settle in
and make itself cozy in my mind.

this is your first birthday without you here.
we wanted to make it special.
so we sort of just celebrated all weekend.
we hiked up to your mountain on saturday.
we all ate breakfast burritos in the parking lot
before we headed up the trail.
cooper carried a rock that says
"in loving memory of porter
'somewhere only we know'"
of course, referring to keane.
we put it at the base of the cliff.
and then at the top we all talked about you.
funny memories and stories.
you were quite the character.

tonight,
ask for the future played a concert in our backyard.
in your honor.
it was the first time i got to see them play.
it was also the last.
they aren't playing together anymore.
i wish so badly that i had gotten to see you in a show.
but this was almost just as good.
sam squared played your bass.
and i couldn't really look at him without crying.
they are all such nice guys.
you had such genuine people in your life.
probably because you were so genuine yourself.
they wrote a song for you.
and they started it by singing a keane song.
and i hope you got to be here.

oh and we all wrote you love letters on balloons
and sent them up to heaven.
i hope they made it.

i'm really glad we got to stop and remember you again.
because sometimes i think we are just expected to carry on like normal.
and so we do.
only it's a new kind of "normal"
a "normal" where every day feels like something is missing.
but if it were really up to us,
we would celebrate you like this every weekend.
but the neighbors might start to wonder what was wrong with us.

in the words of your friend tyler,
"happy birthday porter. this day is still yours."
this day truly will always be yours.
sometimes i miss you so much it hurts.

love you.

labor day weekend

2010-09-06T22:51:00.000-06:00

perfect weather
friends
family

dutch oven cooking

a wedding shoot

mockingjay

megan and 2 week old jack

halloween jammies
smores
campfire

pretty sunsets

the smell of cut hay

a lovely weekend.
hello autumn.

2010-08-30T15:09:00.001-06:00

(holga. rockport, ma)

i feel like someone took everything i own, messed it all around, threw it in some boxes and shoved it in my parent's garage.

actually...

someone did.

and it still hasn't been unpacked. why? because we don't know how long we are staying at my parent's. and so it seems silly to unpack. and so every day, i venture into the garage, looking for some random item that i happen to need, only it's nowhere to be found, because surprise, we weren't exactly organized when we packed up all our stuff. in fact, i think we were so excited to get out of the apartment, that we just grabbed everything in sight and stuffed it into a truck. and if i recall, i think i may have said something to the effect of, "good riddance, apartment."

and it's okay if you're starting to think i'm bipolar, because really i might be. someday's i love boston, and other days i walk outside and see those glorious mountains towering over me and i take a deep breath and it doesn't smell like garbage and i hate it all over again. so yes. i will be bipolar and you can just get over it or stop reading my blog because probably every other post will go like this:

i hate boston.

oh wait, today...

i miss boston.

and really, nothing else goes on in my head except that, and work, and photography sessions, and stopping miles from falling down the stairs, or eating the door stops off the back of the door, or crunching ritz crackers and throwing them all over the floor. and quite frankly, my life has become quite boring. and i think i'm finally getting to the point of why i don't blog anymore. but if you know me at all, you'll know that it usually takes me this long to make a point because it usually includes a lot of boring background information. and what was the point again? oh yes, i don't blog anymore. and why? apparently because all my stuff is in boxes and for some reason that hinders my ability to type on a keyboard.

also, my giveaway ends tomorrow, so if you want free pictures then you sure as heck better hurry up and enter!

oh and one more thing!!

who are you englewood, colorado??

yes, i have a tracker, and yes, i see you...

and i don't mind one bit if you want to read my blog 7 times a day,

but i do mind if you are a creeper.

and thusly, i will have to make my blog private if you don't fess up.

(i am aware that i just made up a word. but thusly seems to fit at the moment.)

so if you are a friendly sort of person, can you just please email me? kaliandwade @ gmail . com

i promise not to submit you to public humiliation.

i will just feel relief that you aren't plotting to kidnap my baby and carry on my merry blogging way.

loves!

kali

soco

2010-08-22T16:49:00.000-06:00

last night i spent the evening with the talented andrew mcmahon:

at this reunion tour:

i may have gotten a little emotional.
a little teary-eyed
and goosebumps all over my arms
when they opened with "i woke up in a car"
so many memories.
their music will always take me back to my college days
when i was lost,
and confused,
a little crazy at times,
but, oh, so very happy.

wow.

2010-08-19T11:25:00.001-06:00

i just found this on my computer.
here i am, 2 weeks before miles was born.
taking a little fall stroll at walden pond
(where, ironically, is where i started having painful contractions 2 weeks later, when my mother tried to walk my baby out of me.)
i just want to say:

wow. could my stomach be any bigger?!

today...

2010-08-18T14:16:00.000-06:00

i miss the brick sidewalks in the historic district of my old home.
where the tree roots planted long before have upset the earth and loosened a few bricks,
making rattling noises when you step on them just right.
today...
i think i would fly 6 hours just to walk on those bricks.

(holga. north end, boston)

help me spread the word!

2010-08-17T16:50:00.000-06:00

i need some help getting the word out about my photography, so i'm giving away a

free photo session!

you can enter up to 5 times by doing one (or all) of the following:
and it's super easy too, so why wouldn't you?

'like' kali poulsen photography on facebook
suggest kali poulsen photography to your friends on facebook
post about the giveaway in your facebook status
blog about the giveaway
put my photography button on your blog (just copy and paste the link to the left in your gadget html box)

email me, comment on my blog or message me on facebook and let me know what you did and you will be entered in the drawing.
the winner will be announced on aug. 31st.

lighting is scary

2010-08-06T14:28:00.001-06:00

...especially when you're standing in the mountains with a 4 foot metal pole we shall call my tripod. but we all know i've done crazy things before, all in the name of a good picture. so does this really even surprise you? in case you are wondering, i was not struck by lightning.

p.s. never mind the fact that i am like 3 months behind in the blogging world, and just pretend i spend all my spare time chasing lightning storms.

yayayayay!

2010-07-30T01:08:00.000-06:00

wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job! wade got a job!

i'm sorry. i just can't contain myself. i'm that excited.

also...

so proud of him.

he has worked so hard for this.

and now he will be a new counselor

at a jail.

for those addicted to drugs and alcohol.

and i think he is brave.

and i really hope that he doesn't get beat up.

p.s. have you ever stared at the same words for so long that they start to look weird to you? like maybe they aren't even words at all? well... "wade got a job" is starting to look like it could be german or something.

(holga. miles and wade at bear lake. july 2010)

a few things

2010-07-27T23:42:00.001-06:00

(holga. taken at crane beach)

my red snow cone collided with my tan seats in my new (well....new to me) car this week and i'm still upset about it.

i saved a couple of rolls of holga film to be developed here in utah because the last time i developed it in boston, it cost me $13 for one roll and i was not happy about it. i got 2 developed today for $6. take that, boston.

speaking of boston.

dear boston,

sometimes i miss you and sometimes it makes my heart hurt a little.

and then i tell wade and he says,

"are you kidding?!" and reminds of all the reasons why i don't miss you.

today wade and i had an argument at the one and only d.i. over whether or not dr. martens are still cool. i told him they reminded me of the 90's and he said he didn't care because they last forever and he would rather be comfortable. and i said no they are ugly and i would rather be cool. and so, the dr. martens stayed at d.i. and i felt like a mean wife and my mom said she was zipping her lips on the matter (but i'm almost certain she would have taken wade's side).

i decided to buy miles a swimming pool to put in the backyard. walmart was sold out of little baby pools because apparently, its hot outside or something? anyway, shopko came to the rescue and i paid 5.99 for a little blow up pool. well, it looked little in the picture. we came home and blew it up and now its taking up the whole living room.

a few more things:

i love the rain.

i love that the rain doesn't make me instantly sweat in the form of humidity.

i love the smell of wet concrete.

i love the sunset at wade's parent's house.

i love the mountains.

i love the cool evenings.

its good to be home.

but i will always be divided.

in the words of my favorite, andrew mcmahon:

"i met a girl who kept tattoos for 

homes that she had loved.

if i were here, i'd paint my body til

all my skin was gone."

-something corporate

"i woke up in a car"

and it's too bad i'm not that girl and that i don't get tattoos, because if i was that girl and i did get tattoos, i think i would probably have about 11 by now.

cute little miles

2010-07-23T12:45:00.000-06:00

we had the fabulous haley ann warner take pictures of miles when he turned 8 months old.
i realize this is an insane amount of pictures, but i love them all too much. also, i'm obsessed with my baby.

dear porter,

2010-07-20T10:31:00.001-06:00

hi little brother.
i'm finally home.
2 long years and i'm finally back.
i've waited a long time for this,
for the whole family to be together again.
i looked forward to the day for so long.
you were supposed to be here.
so now it's just bittersweet.
and the house can be full of people,
but it still feels empty.

miles is moving into your room.
we will probably put his clothes in your dresser.
but i feel weird about it.
i don't want to take your clothes out.
i don't want to rearrange your closet.
i don't want to move your things.
i want them to stay right where you left them.

we had family dinner last night.
the first time since you died that i think
we all finally sat down at the kitchen table together.
a kitchen table with 6 chairs.
one for each of us.
only the chair next to me was empty.
and after we all started eating,
mom looked up and looked at the chair next to me.
and we all had a quiet moment
and cried a little
and wondered if you were maybe there sitting next to me.

we found a video on the computer of you playing the bass.
as i was watching it, i got so upset.
you had such amazing talent.
you were really going somewhere with your music.
and it all just seems so...
wasted?
unfair?

mom was listening to it this morning and it was on sort of loud.
i could hear it from the other room
and for a split second, life felt normal again.
because i really believed it was you in the other room playing.
and i really believed that it was your bass rumbling through the walls.
but then the realization hits that it's not.
and its like losing you all over again.

we took miles up to see your headstone.
its the first time i've seen it since it was put in.
i let miles scoot all over it.
i know you wouldn't mind.
in fact, i think you would've liked to see him so happy
in such a sad place.

its been over 4 months
and we still miss you more everyday.
its hard to move on when
we can't stop thinking about you.

love you.

m.i.a.

2010-07-08T00:27:00.001-06:00

i know i have been missing for quite some time.
so many things to tell you.
so many pictures to upload.
another time.
when i'm not jet-lagged (okay....i am only 2 hours behind) and semi-confused about where my "home" really is.
i am home.
as in utah home.
but i keep talking about boston home.
like i'm going back sometime soon.
but, i am not.

and now for a few business matters....
i need a pediatrician. asap.
recommendations please?

also...
i'm having a homecoming special on my photography!!
**half off any portrait session**
if you book it this month.
(the session does not have to occur this month, just booked and paid for by july 31st)
email me at kaliandwade{at}gmail{dot}com
go here for pricing info.
if you're interested in a wedding special, email me and i will make one just for you. :)

music on a monday

2010-07-05T05:42:00.001-06:00

2 is better than 1

2010-06-28T21:20:00.000-06:00

our marriage turned 2 years old today!

p.s. we are so happy.

music on a monday

2010-06-28T05:46:00.000-06:00